Catch Me 22
by All Play No Work
Summary: It is possibly impossible for Remus Lupin and Sirius Black to be together. But if they're not together, Remus for one, feels like he would implode. A story that attempts to obey the official documents.
1. A Day in the Life

CATCH ME 22

**Chapter 1: A Day in the Life**

**Isn't it lovely when things fail to go according to plan? I should know as I am forever making plans that completely fall through. This story is no exception. I wrote this years and years ago and it was then published, laughed at and forgotten about until I decided something must be done. The result now lies on the web page before your eyes.**

**In your readings remember that firstly I don't own any of these characters or settings (though, how very nice it would be to own England) and secondly that I am a mere mortal and so this updated version is probably no better than the original.**

**Now let us begin our tale:**

**Third Year  
**

"Re-mus, Re-mus wake up you git." Sirius's lame ghost impersonation entered his mind and he was having a nice dream too.

"Remus, Remus, Remus, Remus, Remus, Remus, Remus, Remus, R – " Sirius repeated in a monotone flicking Remus on the nose at each mention of his name. Remus initially scrunched up his features in retaliation and then, being able to endure no longer connect his fist with Sirius' nose in a clumsy movement.

"Piss off." Remus pulled the blankets over his head.

Sirius rubbed his nose slowly, his eyes glazing over, "Ow."

"That was a delayed reaction." James observed, sauntering up to Sirius. The messy haired individual was still doing up his red and gold tie as he came to stand with his taller friend beside Remus' bed. Noticing that Sirius was still starring blankly James continued, "Look Sirius, just leave him - he can be late to breakfast without your help."

Sirius snapped out of his daze and looked at James eyebrows raised and face in that dopey teenage-boy expression he had perfected. James cringed internally – Sirius was like a dog with a bone. With a smirk tugging at his lips Sirius ripped Remus' blankets back, earning a string of curses from said boy, before hoisting him out of bed by his ankle. A whine issued from Remus' mouth at the loss of both warmth and his bed. Still clinging to his bed sheets the former occupant of the bed began to kick out at his attacker. His vicious movements caused his pyjama top to ride up bearing thin white scars to those in the room. Sirius, busy giggling with the enjoyment of the struggle didn't notice but on seeing the scars James saw the reason for so many trips to the hospital wing.

"Sirius you ass!" Remus whined, slightly breathless from the struggle. His fight was already lost and Remus knew it. Sirius was much stronger than he was and fit thanks to his training as a chaser on the Gryffindor Quidditch team. Remus was neither on the team nor did he want to be, but at times such as these he really did see the advantage.

Sirius, still emitting slight giggles, released Remus ankle. The closeted werewolf slowly raised himself up with the aid of the bed. Upon reaching his full height Remus found himself staring at Sirius lips and the sly grin plastered on him. The smaller boy frowned and shoved his friend in the chest. Sirius, of course, was unaffected by the blow but his own push to Remus' shoulder sent the boy toppling backwards.

Remus got up slowly, cursing as he did so. He grabbed his clothes, which had once been folded neatly on top of his trunk at the foot of his bed but during the struggle they had been strewn on the floor. Glancing at the bathroom Remus realised that Peter must not have yet finished his morning ritual. As he stood up and made to unbutton his shirt, it became apparent to Remus that James and Sirius were still in the room. Even though he'd spent two whole years with the Marauders, he still felt embarrassed to show his scars.

"Um… if you could…" Remus said hesitantly motioning with his hand for them to turn around.

Sirius cocked his head to the side with a vacant expression on his face either not quite understanding the request or he had not yet fulfilled his Remus Annoyance quota. To Remus' mind it was obvious why Sirius could no understand such a request, as he himself had no insecurities about himself. Remus was about to elaborate when James tugged on Sirius' shirt.

"C'mon Sirius," James pulled the taller boy towards the door, "We'll wait for you in the common room."

"Morning." Peter slipped out of the bathroom in his usual chipper mood. Remus wondered if he was like that even before his morning shower. On putting his towel back in his trunk Peter gave his friends a quizzical look. James didn't indulge the newly emerged boy with an explanation but nodded his head towards the door and Peter followed them into the common room.

After a few minutes of Peter nattering about almost failing Charms and Sirius trying to transfigure the couch into an elephant, Remus ran down the stairs.

"Come on, we're already late." Remus said curtly, still adjusting his tie. James and Peter followed placidly as Remus strode to the portrait hole, clipping a grinning Sirius Black cross the head.

A moment of Sirius grinning goofily, then, "ouch."

"Sirius, I think you should get that reaction time of yours checked, it's really slow." James said stepping through the portrait hole. At the suggestion of this Sirius began to laugh which Remus didn't get but what made Sirius tick was a mystery.

"James is right, maybe it's 'cos you've let off to many dung bombs," Peter, as usual sided with James. Sirius continued to laugh. Peter continued trying to make his manic friend see his point, "Hey! I'm serious!"

"Y-" Sirius began.

"No! Not a word from you about that stupid pun!" James put a hand over Sirius's mouth. Never give Sirius Black an opening because he will take it. Sirius licked James's hand eyes fluttering, mocking pleasure as he did so. With face contorted in disgust, James quickly removed his hand and wiped the drool on Sirius's shirt.

"Oh you little bastard!" James pulled his hand away from his friend, "Bad boy! Down! Heel!"

Sirius was grinning like a lunatic as he trotted along and Peter was stifling giggles. Remus however, simply watched with a subtle smile. James made a small 'Shut up' before the group enter the Great Hall. The Marauders sat down at the Gryffindor table and – as custom – bacon and eggs filled their plates. Sirius began shovelling food into his face and Peter also had no hesitation in tucking in. Remus moved his fork from plate to mouth far less rapidly. James however made no move to eat but instead a grin grew on his face and with aid of his fork he launched an unusually sloppy egg at Sirius. Of course it hit him right in the face and Sirius stopped eating to throw the egg, now sliding down his face, back at James. James had erupted into hysterics and didn't stop when the dishevelled mush that used to be an egg slapped into his nose. Soon enough James was hurling pumpkin juice, Sirius ducking and drive in his seat and Peter hitting both of them with handfuls of scrambled eggs. Remus would be lying if he said he didn't throw a rasher of bacon or two in Sirius' direction.

While the teachers were occupied with more important things than a food fight that could be cleaned up in seconds someone had to spoil the fun. Lily Evans who was sitting a few seats down had got up and was now standing over a hysterical James, "Honestly Potter, have you any decency?"

A broad mischievous grin planted itself on Sirius's face, "Well actually…"

Sirius's grin was replace with the look of pain and a bit of the 'I'm about to spew' look.

Lily's face showed no hint of smiling or ever smiling at such immature humour, if she would even call it humour at all. Her face didn't even flinch a grin at the sight of Sirius Black in pain yet it was obvious, to the trained eye of Remus Lupin, from a glint in her eye that she enjoyed it.

"Right." She turned on her heels and left stilling appearing very unimpressed.

James turned back to Sirius, who was once again rapidly eating, with narrowed eyes, "Thank you Mr Black."

Sirius swallowed his mouthful, "No problem Mr. Potter."

"If you stopped being an idiot for a minute maybe I could talk to her," James said raising his hands and sighing in defeat, a tinge of mocking in his voice, "But you have to always try to open your big mouth."

"Hey if I wasn't so distracting, Lily wouldn't be attracted to us in the first place," Sirius spoke with a sly grin. Remus was poised on the edge of his seat, mind in full swing – there were moments when Sirius' insight surprised him.

"No way," James countered trying to be stern but grinning anyway, "She comes for me because I'm obviously a god who needs to be worshipped."

Remus shoved James in the arm. Sometimes his friend was such a prat. Remus realised they were all still very much covered in their own breakfast and so muttered a cleaning spell under his breath. No one in the company seemed to notice for they had resumed eating except for Peter who was still having giggle fits. Just as Remus began to eat again Sirius grunted and sat up straight.

"Mmm!" Sirius swallowed his mouth full and began again, "Which, reminds me," Sirius brandished his fork dangerously, "Which one of you fucked up bastards kicked me in the balls?"

James narrowed his eyes, "How does anything I said relate to your…err…. Genitalia?"

"Well we were talking about things that should be worshipped."

Sirius' deadpan caused Remus to chuckle. Sirius flicked Remus a glance and gave him a private grin. It was times like these, Remus reckoned as he smiled back, that he liked Sirius Black. James, oblivious to the exchange muttered and kicked Sirius in the knee knowing he would react at least five minutes later. Peter was still watching the exchange with glee in his eyes.

"Well come on! Own up!" Sirius pointed his fork at each one of his friends.

"I did." Remus, after saying his piece, burst into a series of chuckles. He felt a twang of guilt that quickly subsided when Sirius lunged at him from across the table.

"Remus! You little pervert!" Peter pulled Sirius back into his seat while his hands still grabbed for Remus' throat.

"Don't act like you didn't enjoy it." James said with an evil grin. Remus held his aching stomach as he shook with laughter as did Peter opposite him.

Over the roars of laughter Sirius knew it was fruitless to deny anything as no one could hear him. Instead he settled with grumbling to himself amidst the laughter. As he gulped down his pumpkin juice, it then came to his attention that his left knee was hurting.

"Ouch."

* * *

Sirius swaggered into herbology and winked at a brunette before sitting down with his friends. The brunette started giggling, which was what most girls did when coming across Sirius. James smirked at this. Even if Sirius had a girlfriend he would continue to flirt, that's probably why they never stayed for two long.

Remus snorted at the farce that was Sirius Black as the boy came to sit next to him. Sirius leaned back in his chair, tongue in cheek and gave the same brunette a cheeky grin.

"Stop flirting for gods sake." James said hitting Sirius over the head.

"Why would I do that Jamsie?"

James shook his head and looked down at his textbook.

"C'mon James! Just 'cos I know more about women than you do is no reason to get sour."

"Sirius. You've never had a girlfriend who's lasted more than a week. You don't know anything about women." Remus didn't look Sirius in the eyes a blush creeping across his cheeks, "Well, girls really."

"Fine! So I don't know anything about women. Or girls. At least I have more of a chance of getting a kiss than you. 'Cos they think I'm sexy."

James hit his forehead with a groan as Sirius did a little dance while remaining to be seated. Peter laughed along with him, which only encouraged Sirius more. Remus blushed at the mere though of approaching a girl. Of course Remus had his eyes on a few people, but they were otherwise spoken for or would rather, in the words of one Hufflepuff, "snog a dead fish". Sirius was constantly telling Remus to have a little faith in his 'animal magnetism' and every time he mentioned it Remus was gripped with a gnawing sense of irony.

It's not that Remus was a self conscious, low self-esteem, loser, just on the subject of girls he blushed and went all embarrassed. Remus didn't like it when these things were talked about out loud; he felt they were supposed to be kept quiet. This was something, of course, that Sirius never did, because he was Sirius and would flaunt his every triumph to the whole world. He never seemed like he even wanted to hold onto a girl and that was another thing that made Remus' stomach churn. There was also the thought that Remus suspected girls only liked big strong, Quidditch playing types, like Sirius. Remus was definitely not like that.

With the classroom still void of any authority Sirius continued to stroke his own ego using his friends as fuel to the flame.

"So Rem, is it intimidating being near someone as sexy as myself?"

"No."

"I think girls prefer types like Remus." Peter stated plainly.

"Merlin, Pete! Rem's okay but I'm too sexy for my shirt!" Sirius waggled his eyebrows and slowly raised the hem of his shirt revealing a toned torso. The show induced some squeals from various parts of the room.

James shuddered, "Ergh, keep it on..."

Sirius flattened his eyebrows immediately. He knitted his hands together and leaned across the table towards James, "Well what do you think then Mr. Potter?"

James shrugged, somewhat flustered, "Well I don't know, go ask a girl!"

Sirius rolled his eyes and sighed. Unclasping his hands he turned away from his mutinous friends and turned to the smaller boy beside him. Sirius put an arm around Remus drawing him in and Remus flushed at the invasion of personal space. Sirius had either ignored what James had said or was trying to be rude. The latter was most likely, "Well what do you think Rem?"

Remus refused to dignify Sirius' question with any sort of response and instead pushed him away. Sirius didn't even show a flicker of hurt on his features but instead laughed.

"I love you too Remus."

"Sirius shut up you're weirding all of us out." Peter pulled on Sirius's shirtsleeve as he glanced nervously at all the attention the Marauders were now receiving.

"Hey buddy hands off the merchandise!" Sirius, ever the exhibitionist leaped out of his chair, adoring the impressed noises of the class who now had their full attention on him.

"Mr Black please take you're seat. Thank you," Professor Fleance looked at the four Marauders who were now sitting smiling and pretending to be interested in herbology. Apart from Remus, who actually liked herbology.

"Right, now today you will..."

The professor's voice trailed into obscurity as Sirius nudged shoulders with Remus. He groaned internally. Sirius was like this every lesson. Not listening and what's worse disrupting Remus from learning, yet he still helped Sirius with his homework. Sometimes he thought that his friends were using him to pass their grades, this was quickly dismissed.

* * *

Remus sat in the common room reading his potions textbook. He was average at potions, well better than the others at least. Sirius had been asking him again to do his homework. If he did help him, Sirius would continue to slack off and use him, but if he didn't, Sirius would fail. Why did he even care? It was really Sirius's problem.

But Remus did care. It seemed he cared about everything. From the hopeless case of Sirius Black to how much butterbeer he should drink in an hour. He couldn't help trying to make everything perfect, everything right. It was just Remus. Whenever he tried to ignore it he came to think about it more. So there truly was no end.

"Rem! How's your potions work going."

"Fine."

"Good you up to playing some wizard chess?" Sirius had his usual jovial expression on his handsome face.

"Alright, prepare yourself for failure, Black." Remus grinned as he sat down to play. He couldn't say no to that face and even if he could, he couldn't say no to chess.

"Better bring you're 'A' game Lupin." Sirius sat down opposite his friend.

"My 'D' game will beat your 'A' game any day Black."

"Mr Lupin is sounding too confident for his own good."

"Mr Black obviously doesn't know what he's in for."

"Mr Black and Mr Lupin are both going to be hit over the head by Mr Potter in a minute if they do not shut up."

"Mr Black points his bottom in Mr Potter's general direction."

James rolled his eyes dramatically and went back to writing his charms essay.

* * *

Ten minutes later the game reached a conclusion.

"Check and Mate and Mr Lupin is sad to inform Mr Black that that was indeed his 'D' game."

"Mr Black sends his abuse to Mr Lupin."

"Mr Pettigrew laughs in Mr Black's face as that is the twenty-second time he has lost to Mr Lupin this year."

"Mr Black wonders why Mr Pettigrew is bored enough to count how many times Mr Lupin has been successful."

"Mr Pettigrew finds counting Mr Black's loses much more fruitful that his victories."

"Stooping to refer to yourselves in third person?" Lily looked down at Sirius with the hatred people usually only reserve for cockroaches or fans of rival Quidditch teams.

"Hello Lily." James sat up at little bit straighter at the approach of the redhead. The grin that spread across his face clashed with the stony glare Lily returned him.

"Hello Potter," Lily said, the strain to be civil evident in her clenched jaw.

"I was wondering..."

"The answer's no Potter."

James sighed as she walked away. Peter shook his head. And Sirius was so frustrated that he hit Remus on the arm absent-mindedly.

"Ow."

"Indeed, Remus, just what I was thinking." Sirius was staring off into space.

"What's so bad about one little date?" James asked thin air.

"It's not the date that's worrying her." Remus stated.

"Oh really? Then what is it?"

Remus grinned, "It's you."

Sirius and Peter burst into laughter.

"Hey! Do you want to say that to my face?"

"I just did."

"Do you want to say that to my face within striking distance?" James amended.

"No, I'm good."

"I'll show you good!"

"What?"

Remus didn't have time to ask James what he really meant; he had only time to start to run. The chase continued for some time, Remus had yet to be caught, until Sirius and Peter pinned him down so James could give him a noogie1. Much laughter followed as punches with no weight behind them were thrown, people were wrestled to the ground and 'stacks on' was called.

After a few minutes however the fun was called off when two exams stressed seventh years told them to shut it or take it to their dorm. Sirius thrust the two forefingers in their general direction and the Marauders laughed until one kindly pointed out he was Head Boy and thrust an impressive badge in Sirius' face. They promptly went to bed, but not before a round of exploding snap.

"Night all."

"Goodnight everyone."

"Night Remus, Pete and James."

"Same to you."

Remus smiled at himself. There was no place better than Hogwarts. And there was no one greater than his three friends. Tomorrow was guaranteed to be just as good.

Another day in the life.


	2. Years of Tension

**Chapter 2: Years Of Tension**

**Seventh Year**

"Remus?"

"Mmm?"

"I'm nice enough aren't I?"

"I guess," Remus looked up from The Prophet to see James tapping his fingers together. It was evenings such as these in the Gryffindor common room where after a long day he just wanted to dissolve into the gossip column of the paper and pretend he didn't exist for thirty or so minutes. He put down the paper and shelved his thoughts of vanishing for the moment, "Why?"

"I can't see why Lily wouldn't like me, and you seemed like the person to ask." James dropped his hands and looked up at Remus. Remus felt anger begin to boil inside himself and tried to focus on the copy of _Advanced Potions: Seventh Year Study Guide_ in James' lap to quell his anger.

"Oh so that's it is it?" Remus began folding up The Prophet, his face suddenly stony, "I see now."

"What is what?"

"I'm the perfect listener," Remus stood up flailing his hands and thoroughly exasperated, "Kind of a loser and a pushover and your asking me what I think of you to trick me into saying something uncompromising so you can tease me about being gay for the next century."

"No, I j-"

"And then what can I say? I'm not gay? Because then you'll just tell me I'm in denial and laugh at me. You trick me into it because you know I can help but help you." Frown lines dug into Remus' face as he spoke hands soaring in angry gestures.

"No!" James stood up and grabbed Remus by his shoulders. Remus resisted but James held him firmly in place.

"God Remus! What is going on?"

Remus said nothing and relaxed as James let go of him. As Remus stared off into space James frowned and moved into his line of sight. He saw Remus' eyes and he knew.

"What the hell has he been saying?"

"Oh just the usual, the son of a bitch, he's always trying to stir me up! You know that James." Remus shoved his hands in his pockets and looked directly back at James with rage and hurt contorting his face. Remus sat back down and James followed suit.

"Yesterday in Defence, he was just asking questions, stupid questions, but nevertheless I gave him the answers to shut him up. Then he gets the whole fucking class laughing at me! Usually I wouldn't care but nowadays he's always doing it James!"

"What shit was he asking you?"

"Stuff about why I didn't have a partner for that stupid Christmas party thing yet. I said it was because there was no one I wanted to invite. Just because he's sleeping with a slut every night doesn't mean I have to. Then he tells the class, that I don't have a date, because I'm gay and worst of all,"

Remus paused to compose himself.

"That I was in love with him."

James watched his friend rub his temples. James shifted in his seat. Something was missing. It just didn't add up. Sirius wouldn't say these things to anyone, but especially Remus, his friend. James resisted the urge to utter the world-weary sigh that was curled in his chest. Instead he pushed his glasses back up his nose and focused on his friend.

"Did you say anything to set that off?"

Remus frowned and moved uncomfortably. He said nothing.

"Remus?"

"No."

"Sure?"

Nothing

"Yes."

"Yes?"

"No."

Silence.

"What did you say?"

* * *

Remus, having changed into pyjamas, collapsed on his bed. He felt colder than he should have. Of course it was the night before the full moon, which always had made Remus feel peculiar. It was times like this - when James once again attempting to ask Lily out - that he wanted to be normal, not a werewolf and first and foremost, to have a girlfriend. Remus didn't feel he was unattractive, but girls thought it wasn't their place to ask a boy out. Besides, like Peter said, all the girls that were left were either gay or as plain as Hannah Kingsford was not.

Hannah was gorgeous, to say the least. She'd been a Gryffindor chaser for a year and it was clear after that short career that the only reason she had gotten into the team was that she was dating the Captain at the time. She had long brown hair, which went down past her shoulder blades when it was let down from her ponytail. She also had a fringe, which curved around her face and came down to her chin. Her eyes were a calming shade of light blue and she was slim in figure. She was average academically, but she had one feature that Remus didn't like. She had a reputation of getting around, as it were. And then, of course, was the slight problem that she didn't have a brain, but that didn't bother Sirius because he liked them all giggles and sunshine smiles.

Sirius was handsome and charismatic; nobody in their right mind wasn't drawn to him, even if it was just the little first years that thought he was cool. Hannah was just another one of those people, who also happened to be sleeping with him.

Like Sirius's previous girlfriends, she was after him to be seen and for his sex, with was apparently very good. Well, according to Hufflepuff blonde, Jess Samuels anyway. Sirius' reputation was, to put it lightly, damaged. While he was celebrated by many boys as a champion and many girls adored his flirtatious attention James and Remus were finding it hard to accept his habit of sleeping around. Remus was not a prude, he told himself this at any rate, but he worried about what all that whoring himself out meant, whether Sirius was coping with something in his own way. But then Sirius would waltz into the common room and proclaim how he loved being adored and Remus lost all pity and reasoned that he was just a prick.

Remus closed his eyes. Sirius should have someone better that her. Someone who wasn't likely to find another boyfriend in two hours. Someone who actually loved him. Even though Remus thought Sirius _should_ have someone better, didn't mean he _deserved_ it.

* * *

He screamed. Prongs whirled his head around to find the source of his pain; the werewolf had grabbed his hindquarters. Moony's claws were imbedded in his side. Padfoot barked loudly and lunged forward to bite Moony, who howled in pain. The howl of the wolf cut through the tranquil night air. Prongs reeled upwards in way as Moony was wrenched from his side. Above him he saw the sky blanket in dark clouds and starless.

It seemed almost apt in James' mind. The wound stung only half as much as the betrayal despite the fact it was Moony, not Remus who had hurt him. Padfoot's bark cut through Moony's growls as Prongs felt his delicate legs surrender and slumped into the soft grass. Padfoot snapped at Moony herding him deeper into the forest, away from the injured stag. Prongs raised his antlered head and caught the eye of the werewolf. In that moment he saw Remus, his fear, his remorse. James knew how grateful Remus was although it was rarely spoken. Sirius said that helping Remus was something that just had to be done and James never for a second disagreed.

Prongs lay for some time in the grass and fell asleep without noticing the rat on its haunches whiskers twitching beside him. Wormtail scurried back to the castle as the moonlight began to fade and early morning set in. Only then did Prongs wake up consumed with guilt for not being with Remus. Prongs found himself as James as through the forest bathed in sunlight Sirius appeared with Remus in his arms. The sun struck the back of their heads and James fancied that Sirius was an angel with a halo of light around his head.

It was times like these, James considered as he moved to help carry Remus that Sirius was perfect. He looked up into the stoic face of his friend who held the werewolf and he knew that no matter how many Hannah Kingsfords there were there was only one Remus Lupin.

* * *

Sirius pushed open the door and led Hannah inside. Grinning he took her into his arms and kissed her. When they drew breath, Sirius looked into her eyes. On the border of his vision he noticed something that would jeopardise his mission for conquest. Remus was asleep on his bed as was Peter.

"Aw shit!"

"What is it Siri?" Hannah fluttered her eyelashes at Sirius.

Sirius gestured towards his sleeping friends.

"Oh we can go somewhere else." Hannah began to walk off when Sirius grabbed her hand.

"No, no I'll tell 'em to leave, they'll be cool." Sirius wasn't going to miss an opportunity to get laid. Not that he had a lack of opportunities.

Sirius faced his friends, "Hey Wormtail, Moony, get up I need to use the dorm."

"Yeah well I need to use it too." Remus shot Sirius a glare and settled himself back down for a sleep.

"Remus you'll never, need to use the dorm, because you'll never get me." Sirius smirked.

"Piss off," Remus hissed and threw a pillow half-heartedly at Sirius. It was not long after the full moon and he was still suffering a lack of energy. It was long enough after the full moon however for Sirius to deign it safe enough to mess with him. Remus hated these mind games. He pulled his pillow over his head.

Hannah swallowed hard and bit her lip. Not at easy as Sirius thought. Suddenly there was anger flecked with annoyance running through his veins. Sirius thought of the shape of Remus' back as it was presented to him and clenched his fists. An aching burned through him and his was filled with thoughts of the full moon and Remus in the hospital wing and Remus struggling to finish a potions essay. He gripped Hannah's hand and threw these emotions that he couldn't comprehend at Remus.

"Well you are aren't you? You've always been at little _queer_."

"Fuck off." Remus' voice was raised and wavering threateningly but he remained stern, "I'm not getting up - you can kiss my arse."

Sirius was overwhelmed with more pain and anger but his addled brain could not comprehend whether his anger was at Remus or if he was angry with himself. Either way, Sirius was not thinking, "I bet you'd like that."

The snarled response made Remus sit up and his face was horrified at the effrontery thrown in his face. Peter, who had been silent put his arm through Remus' and tugged "Come on Rem, we'll just go, just ignore him."

But Remus stood up and walked towards Sirius drawing himself up as he did. Peter appeared frozen in the corner and Hannah released Sirius hand taking a step away from the advancing werewolf. Remus stopped a foot away from Sirius his face blank. Sirius couldn't have that; he always had to get a reaction. He snarled again and Remus spoke.

"Not everyone wants to fuck you Sirius." His voice was calm but his eyes were glazed revealing that Remus Lupin was beyond rage, "You're just a prick who thinks he can get anyone he wants and sure, you can have one or two slags here and there and the boys still cheer you on. Big man, Sirius. I suppose that's what you are in the eyes of those too dumb to formulate a sentence."

Remus paused a tilted his head to the side slightly. He spoke in tones so level they were deadly, "And that's why you're losing your friends because we've figured you out. You don't give a shit about anyone but yourself and your dick, you can't help but treat people like shit and use them to impress other you've never met. Fuck you Sirius. You can go fuck yourself; I bet you'd love that. Dream come true."

As Remus snarled the final sentence, Sirius boiled over and slammed a right hook into Remus' jaw. Remus threw himself at Sirius hurling his own right fist into Sirius cheek. Sirius punched him in the nose feeling the cartilage squelch and crunch beneath his fist. Remus cried out but Sirius hit him in the gut. Winded, Remus fell backwards and hit his head on a bedpost. His eyes widened as he tried to suck in breath but all he could manage was a gurgling sound as some blood from his broken noise trickled down his throat. Peter put himself between them but Sirius could not hear his shouts or feel Peter's fists beating on his chest. He just stared at Remus with all the malice and loathing he felt for himself.

And then something collided with his cheek burning at the point of contact. Sirius saw again and there was James in front of him. He knew James had slapped him and shame coursed through him. He looked over at Remus who was coughing and spluttering, being helped to his feet by Peter. Sirius watched them leave. His eyes swept the dormitory and only then did he realise that the girl he arrived with had fled. _Hannah_, he reminded himself, _her name was Hannah_.

"Sirius."

Sirius lowered his gaze to meet James'. Those brown eyes were furious and they cut daggers into Sirius and he felt deserving of every bit of pain he felt. Even still he could not bring himself to say more than, "What?"

Sirius' voice was rough and raw. James sneered at him "Remus is your friend."

"No he's not. He hates me." Sirius seethed. He felt bitterness rise through him like bile and added, "or loves me."

"Shut the fuck up about that already! Look what you did to him!" James hit Sirius in the chest and the larger boy did not flinch.

"Look what he did to me!" Sirius pointed to the bruise on his jaw.

James opened his mouth ajar then slammed it shut. His expression of the upmost disappointment said more than any words could. Sirius allowed himself to be mentally flagellated by James and his hate. It was the longest minute possible before James spoke again.

"I hope your pretty fucking happy."

* * *

Sirius's head hurt. Why did he fight Remus? Why the hell did he call him all those names? He couldn't find any answers to his own questions, which only fuelled his self-hate. Remus was his friend. Sirius bit his lip at the thought; needles of regret burrowing deep into him. He looked down at the inkwells he was supposed to be cleaning. He had got a set of detentions, which he deserved, he didn't deny it and it wasn't as though Sirius was new to detentions. Professor McGonagall was supervising this one as she had supervised most of his as he was, after all, in her house. She had met him with disappointment often and even downright anger when he had smuggled the Fire Whisky into the Gryffindor common room during a party. But now, she was shocked from her toes to the tip of her pointy hat. No one ever thought Sirius would hurt his friends. Some Slytherins, maybe, but never his friends. Sirius screwed up his face and scrubbed the inkwell with vigour.

_You had to just push it to fucking far!_

_Shut up_, Sirius told the voice in his head. It was a weak retort.

_Stop being such an arrogant prick and go apologise._

The mention of an apology sent a strange sensation prickling through Sirius – he never considered apologies. Until, it seemed, that moment as the strange feeling that prickled through him was screaming that an apology sounded like a bloody good idea.


	3. Of Possible Significance

**Chapter 3: Of Possible Significance**

**Third Year  
**

"Hey Lily" James swaggered up to the red haired girl. It was very clear to those that knew him well that James Potter was now fully in his suave mode.

"Potter." The aforementioned redhead gave a curt smile and strode off in the opposite direction in which James had come. The messy haired boy stood there miffed watching after Lily Evans as she rounded the corner of the greenhouse and swept out of sight. Just because James was in suave mode didn't mean it was going to work.

James trudged back over to his friends who in the case of Remus, tactfully stifling giggles or in the case of Sirius howling with laughter. James gave Sirius a punch in the arm and Peter seeing the frustration etched in James Potter's thirteen-year-old face smiled as comfortingly as he could. Despite the Evans mishap the four boys continued to amble towards the lake.

"She's falling for me you can't deny it." James said in the moments of silence after Sirius' laughter had died down.

"Oh yes she was all over you," Remus said lips twitching, threatening to betray him and smile. James narrowed and muttered a string of angry half-sentences under his breath. While James was not in the best of possible moods after this most recent defeat, his friends were feeling not quite so sympathetic. Remus turned to Sirius,

"Oh James I love you so much!" Remus batted his eyelashes at Sirius who, along with Peter burst into furious laughter. James grumbled and although he would not admit it at that moment, was impressed with Remus' ability to maintain such a high pitch.

Remus made a show of taking one of Sirius' hands in both of his own.

"Oh James I worship you!" Peter stopped laughing feeling slightly uncomfortable with the situation, however Remus and Sirius continued to laugh unperturbed. Sirius was once again hysterical and little could be done to quell his merriment now. Sirius and Remus were leaning on each other for support. After a lung full of air and despite the tears of laughter in his eyes Remus continued his award winning performance:

"Oh Jamsie-kins!" Remus winked with seductive deliberation in Sirius' direction while twirling a finger through his hair. Such behaviour was not custom for Remus and so Sirius laughed harder than he otherwise would have to encourage the mischief flowing forth from his friend.

"Yeah, yeah very funny you bastards." James tried maintaining a serious tone but his smile had ideas of its own.

"Yeah Remus, Sirius stop. It's getting… weird." Peter looked at them with a scrunched up face.

"Ah Pete, you can't say it isn't funny." Sirius put an arm around Peter who cringed at the contact. Regardless he still begrudgingly nodded his agreement at Sirius statement and gave a half-arsed grin. Then as if his thoughts gave a sudden chance of course, Peter frowned and bit his lip.

"Remus, do you really like James?" Peter asked earnestly. Remus and Sirius who had reduced their mirth to giggles froze and exchanged a glance. Laughter roared across the stillness of the lake, through the silence of the forest and shook the very bricks of Hogwarts itself. Sirius and Remus had collapsed into the grass struggling to breath. After a draw of breath they looked up at their companions. On seeing James frowning down at them they both exploded into new laughter.

"Hey what's so funny about liking me?" James gave his incapacitated friends a glare.

His question however went unanswered as Sirius waved him off, cleared his throat and returned Peter's earnest expression, "Don't worry Pete," was all he could manage before he caught a glimpse of the glaring James Potter and began chuckling.

"Me really like James!" Remus sighed in the wonder of the statement. Sirius threw an arm a round the shorter boys shoulders and they staggered together towards the lake. Peter watched their backs with concern. James on the other hand was only slightly irritated by the whole thing. The worst part about all this was James knew they weren't going to give this up for at least a week.

* * *

The Marauders staggered into the Gryffindor common room and collapse on the nearest sofa. After ten butter beers warmth was rolling off each one of them. While they were not drunk – butter beers are not alcoholic – the euphoria induced by the drinks had taken its toll on the boys and after ten drinks silliness had set it. Peter simply sat basking in the feeling, while flopped his head against the armrest, growing quite sleepy. Sirius was giggling absently mindedly and leaning against a slurring James who was recounting a story.

"An' so I says to the guy…" James slurred as he sat down, voice filled with purpose. Peter didn't so much as squeak when James landed rather heavily in his lap. It was only after a moment of ranting about what James did say to the guy that Peter came to his senses.

"Hey mate, you're sitting on me." Peter looked up at James with glazed eyes.

Sirius fell against the back of the sofa sniggering. Remus smiled groggily from where his head rested against the sofa. Initially he had been buzzing with warmth but this had slowly dissipated leaving Remus with drooping eyelids. He felt himself drift off but only realised he had been asleep when someone nudged his arm.

"Look at Pete," Sirius murmured. Remus titled his head and saw that Peter was asleep and drooling on the deep red upholstery, one hand flopping at his side and the other was being used as a blanket by James. The other boy was also asleep and was determined to have Peter's arm around him as he did. Remus sighed more than chuckled and leaned into the sofa again.

"We shouldn't have had so many." Remus spoke through a yawn.

"Don't," Sirius began arranging his thoughts as he went, "Don't say that. I've had just the right amount."

Remus chuckled again watching Sirius make extravagant gestures with his arms. He knew what was coming next. After they had been buzzing from the butter beer, they would each come down from their cloud of warmth and joy. Most would fall asleep but Sirius was at his most curious in this phase. All Remus had to do was wait.

"So how's life?" Remus smiled to himself as the first question broke the silence.

Remus closed his eyes and sighed contentedly, it was good when you had things figured out, "Good I guess."

"Seen any good girls lately?" Typical Sirius question – Reus could feel him waggling his eyebrows.

"Ones you would be interested in? No."

"Damn."

"Why? Do you really _want_ a girlfriend?"

Sirius shrugged, "Dunno I guess so."

"Why?"

"Well James has Evans so I guess I should have someone."

Remus snorted at the irony of the words but managed to have enough tact to response, "Doesn't mean you _have_ to have a girlfriend."

"Stop sounding hurt."

"Am not sounding hurt." Remus was quick to defend himself, certain that he had not sounded like his was whinging.

"Are too."

"_Not_ and shut up Sirius."

"Now you're sulking."

Remus couldn't win. He sighed and screwed his eyes up tighter, "I know what I'm doing! I don't need a playback of my emotions thanks and I am _not_ sulking. Okay I'm digging myself into a hole so I'll just shut up."

"Whatever Lupin."

"Black."

"Remus."

"Sirius."

There was a pause. Remus lifted a hand to his temples, "My head hurts."

"Do you want me to kiss it better?"

Remus swallowed, "Err, no I'm good."

"Be a sport!"

"Sirius what are we talking about?" Best line of defence was a good offence.

"You not joining the Quidditch team! Keep up Remus, people will start to think you're drunk!"

"I'm going to bed." Remus restrained a giggle.

"Yeah I should go too."

Remus trudged up the stairs, now completely drained of any joyful butter beer related feelings. He couldn't help but grin at the thought of James and Peter waking up in the morning in their position. Remus had apparently stopped walking because behind him Sirius gave a grunt and a playful push.

"C'mon Rem it's a walk-way."

"Sorry." Remus shook himself and continued to climb the stairs.

However it wasn't two steps before he stopped again. This time it was not his fault; Sirius had thrown himself around Remus. The smaller boy stiffened while behind him his attacker laughed.

"Sod off Sirius." Remus pulled himself away from his friend tangle of limbs.

Sirius retreated, "Alright you git."

They stepped into the dorm both collapsed on their beds upon reaching them. Silence settled in the air and for a series of moments all that could be heard was the inhaling and exhaling of two people.

"So, mate see any girls lately?"

Remus lifted his head wearily to frown at Sirius, "Sirius we've been through this, the answer's no."

"We have?" Sirius had glazed eyes.

"Yeah. And Sirius?"

"Yeah?"

"In case you're going to ask no I'm not going to join the Quidditch team."

"Shame. I reckon you'd be good." Sirius stared up at the ceiling, hands behind his head. Remus mimicked the action.

"Oh you do?"

"Yeah!" Sirius gushed with whispered enthusiasm.

"Apart from the fact I have extremely bad hand eye coordination?"

"Yeah well I guess… Apart from that you'd be great."

"Of course."

The discussion waned and Remus felt his eyelids pulling closed. Just as his head rolled to the side, himself about to lose consciousness, Sirius' voice jolted him awake.

"Remus?" Sirius spoke with surprising clarity.

"No." Remus sighed as if he had just said the opposite.

"I can't sleep."

"Me neither, _YOU'RE TALKING_."

"No but, I'm really tired but I can't go to sleep."

"Oh. Why? Is something on you're mind?" Remus felt stilted concern fill his voice. He really was desperate to just sleep.

"No."

A sigh then, "Sirius. If you're going to beat about the bush here I may as well just go to sleep."

"Fine. Something is on my mind."

"What is it?" Obviously Sirius was really going to string this one out.

"Someone sounds curious."

"Oh? And who would this person be?"

"You."

"Sirius nothing would temp me to want to delve into your twisted mind."

"Oi!"

"Well go on are you going to tell me or are you not?"

"Maybe."

"Bloody hell! Goodnight." Remus rolled over as dramatically as possible and even shoved a pillow over his head for good measure.

"Okay!" Sirius said loudly enough for his voice to permeate the pillow. He plopped himself down onto the bed beside Remus. Not welcoming the intrusion, Remus, with one leg kicked Sirius off the bed. Sirius wasn't planning on going anywhere and at Remus' feeble attempt to get him to move Sirius laughed and pushed Remus back.

"Sirius you git! What do you want?"

"Nothing."

* * *

"Christmas Party is coming up who you going to take?"

Sirius was sitting on his haunches in the middle of James' bed. He had a wistful expression on his face, almost as if he was seeing something that James wasn't. James, who was sitting on the floor leaning against his bed, decided he didn't want to see whatever it was that Sirius saw. Adjusting his glasses James stared at his copy of _Potion Brewing for Beginners 3 _as if it would tell him who he was taking to the Christmas Party. He frowned at his own essay that was resting in the pages of the book. The essay was not going to well it had half a sentence about the assigned work and two paragraphs on Lily Evans.

Sirius's question was annoying. Everyone knew who James wanted to take and because he wanted to take her so much he couldn't bare to take anyone else. The door to the dorm opened and Peter came in and sat on his own bed. James followed him in with his gaze.

"Hey, what are you lot talking about?" Ever chipper Peter asked brightly.

"Sirius is asking me dumb questions. His dumbness is starting to make me dumb." James replied pointedly shooting a look in Sirius' direction.

"You were already dumb." Sirius beamed at James who made a face in return.

"Shut up Sirius."

"Oh you're asking about the party again aren't you?" Peter asked knowing the answer was yes. Sirius liked asking that question, about the party. Every boy and girl he knew had been asked if they were taking someone and who was that person going to be. Sirius kept asking because no one gave him a straight answer. Peter himself was not keen on parties because there was dancing and loud music and he wasn't so fond of that. The end of year party was student run, but had been received by Dumbledore as a fantastic idea. Peter was not so sure.

"Yeah." Sirius nodded grinning like a madman.

Peter paused considering whether or not he should proceed into certain territory. He did anyway, knowing James wouldn't like him for it, "Well who are you going to take?"

"Lily." James said unable to suppress a smile.

"Good luck. Got anything?" Peter sat down on Sirius' bed and suddenly James felt surrounded and interrogated.

He put on a brave face and waved his would-be potions essay in Peter's direction, "Yes I happen to be working on a plan right now."

Sirius snatched the parchment from James's hands and naturally started to read aloud, _"Lily Evans. Those words mean beauty - _

James launched himself at Sirius, face burning with embarrassment as he snatched at the piece of parchment. On retrieving it James made sure he gave Sirius a hit on the arm. Sirius didn't feel it because he was now in hysterics and so was Peter.

"God James have you been getting lessons from Remus?" Sirius laughed wiping tears from his eyes.

"What makes you say that?" James's face quickly recovered from mortification and saw his advantage. Sirius recognised this look and proceeded, wisely, with caution.

"Well Remus makes up that sentimental stuff and now suddenly you do."

"Oh! Does Remus read you his sentimental stuff does he?" James raised his eyebrows tip toeing slowly towards Sirius with a trap.

"Err. No." Sirius frowned and gave James a puzzled look.

"Sure." James grinned back.

"C'mon Pete! Back me up here!"

Peter was in no state to back anyone up. He hadn't stopped laughing since Sirius had read out the would-be potions essay.

Remus entered the dorm, which brought forth more laughter. James hammered his fist on the ground and Peter was rolling around on his bed. Sirius was sitting still apart from the occasional jab at James or Peter.

Remus sat down next to Sirius a question written all over his face. James paused in his merriment and saw the proximity at which his friends were sitting and was thrown into bouts of fresh laughter. Peter wasn't exactly sure what he was seeing but followed James' example anyway. Remus smiled and rolled his eyes. He turned to Sirius who, with clenched teeth, looked close to murdering both James and Peter.

"What are they laughing at?"

"Oh nothing." All murderous intent dropped from Sirius' face as he answered Remus.

Remus was sceptical, "Right."

James and Peter came out of their laughing fits; their stomachs couldn't take the strain any further. James sat up and wiped a tear from his eye as he turned to face Remus – a wicked smile growing on his face.

"So Remus," James ran his hand through his hair characteristically, "Who are _you_ taking to the Christmas Party?'

Remus considered. He has never felt the urge to dance before in his life and he wasn't to keen on loud music and the entire population of Hogwarts crammed into a small space. There were so many health hazards in the operation; Remus didn't know why Dumbledore had agreed. Maybe he liked dancing himself. Remus shrugged, "I dunno. No one I suppose."

"C'mon Rem don't be like that! You have to take someone!" Sirius said gestured wildly, limbs flailing as he spoke. This whole thing was such a big deal to Sirius but he couldn't see why taking someone was so damn important.

"Do I hear wedding bells Sirius?" James sat up and raised his eyebrows. He clasped his hands together and put them up to the side of his face in mock adoration. This comment earned him a hit over the head and a growl from Sirius.

"Go to hell James."

"So that's what you lot were laughing about." Remus grimaced as he caught on to their joke.

"Yeah, sorry Rem it's just it was funny." Peter smiled weakly. Remus groaned internally. Just because he didn't have girls chasing him like Sirius or charisma like James and he didn't want a girlfriend like Peter didn't mean there was anything wrong with him. The whole idea of girlfriends was gross to Remus anyway. After all they were only thirteen, why were people so obsessed with girls anyway?

Remus became lost in his own musings while James and Peter continued to jibe Sirius who was once again looking deadly.

* * *

Sirius hated being out smarted, out charmed and out grossed. He was still annoyed at James for teasing him and Remus. After his final lessen for the day, Sirius made a show of shoot James withering looks and grumbling. With some encouragement James had coaxed him into a conversation about Quidditch and while he was not resentful, he wasn't thrilled with James' behaviour either. With all his thinking about James' teasing his mind inevitably wandered back to Remus.

A weight on his bed brought Sirius back to the present. He sat up straighter and found himself looking at the very boy that occupied his thoughts. Remus' hazel eyes were watching him thoughtfully.

"How's life?" Remus said after an interval.

"Alright." Sirius offered rather lamely.

"About earlier…" Remus had a slight frown on his face, determined to see his thoughts through.

Sirius mentally sighed. Remus wore his heart on his sleeve and had no qualms with analysing his own feelings or even asking others for reassurance. Sirius was more than happy to share his good moods or his excitement with the rest of the world but Remus wasn't even afraid to show those things that might make him look a bit stupid. He had to admire Remus for that but Sirius himself would rather work those things out in his own head or just simply ignore them. Ignorance _was_ bliss after all.

But Sirius' reasoning wasn't going to stop Remus so he helped him along, "What about earlier?"

Remus shrugged, "It was just really weird; you didn't deny it or anything."

Another Remus trait: analysing people. He loved probing people's brains, picking them apart and understanding every fibre in their being. Nothing would please him more than asking seemingly innocent questions to find out the thoughts inside the brain. Sirius frowned.

"Look I just didn't want to make a big thing about it," Sirius threw his hands up in defence, "I thought you were cool about it."

"Yeah I am."

It was less than convincing. Sirius swung his legs off the bed so that he was sitting next to Remus. If there was one thing Sirius Black could do it was fix Remus Lupin. It was the job he was born to do. He nudged Remus' shoulder with his own, "You don't sound alright."

"I guess I'm a little unnerved, I mean gosh it was kind of confronting." It was Remus' turn to throw his arms around and Sirius thought it was funny the way he mimicked him. He had the grace not to show his amusement.

"And it made you think?" He said instead

"Yeah." Remus lifted his head and looked at Sirius before smiling. Remus had one of those smiles that when he gave you one you felt like the most important person in the world. Sirius beamed in return. Remus quirked an eyebrow at him wondering when Sirius became an expert in telepathy.

"Everything makes you think Remus." Sirius replied simply.

"Stop reading my mind!" Remus said with a burst of laughter.

"Look," Sirius clapped Remus on the back and then lied – it was hard, "I haven't thought about it at all. We're good friends. Everything's fine. You'll be right."

Sirius nudged his friend with his elbow to show some sort of compassion. His smile dropped as Remus pulled away. He was running out of his 'make Remus feel better' ammunition.

"Remus I'm sorry. What's wrong?"

"Doesn't matter." Remus got up and walked out of the dorm.

Remus buried his "Doesn't matter" and thankfully it didn't come up again for some time. Years later however, under similar circumstances a great deal of things were brought into the light.


	4. Words Fly Upwards

**Chapter 4: Words Fly Upwards**

**Seventh Year  
**

It was an eternity, which was probably in reality a couple of days, in which no one spoke to Sirius. He didn't blame them. He couldn't. But it was agonising none the less. Sirius didn't realise how much he depended on his friends until they were gone and Sirius depended on no one more than Remus. He wasn't sure if this was a good thing or not, all he knew was that without wise Remus, brainy Remus, lovely Remus he wouldn't know were to go. James and Peter were great but no one caught his glances quite like Remus or appreciated his wit. James would just call him a git and Peter would take James' side but Remus understood. Sirius found himself smiling at the memory – even the part about James calling him a git – when he remembered that it wasn't like that now. But Sirius would get those times back. Sirius was nothing if not determined.

* * *

Remus was nothing if not melancholic. Depression was said to plague the greatest minds but this was of little comfort or consequence to Remus because right now he couldn't bear anyone telling him how smart he was. He felt so stupid. Remus was used to bullying and taunting in its various shapes and forms. Usually he was a pushover with self-esteem so low it could be walked over. But with Sirius he couldn't help but retort. The boy knew how to press all of his buttons. There was no denying it – of all the people Remus had ever met only Sirius Black could truly get to him. It was because Sirius made him feel so damn much that sometimes Remus thought he was going to explode.

But this tension between them had come from nowhere and somewhere at the same time. Remus scratched his quill on the parchment in front of him where he was trying to take notes on the ingredients of healing salves. He frowned. The fight was a spontaneous outburst but Remus felt as though a cloud had been lifted from his mind and he could see where he stood more clearly. But not clearly enough it seemed. Remus could not understand what inspired this tension, this building pressure of emotion or the fight and that made him frustrated, unhappy. Without understanding Remus failed to hold onto his world.

He also felt lonely because Peter and Remus had scuttled of to play wizard chess in an attempt to distract themselves from the Remus and Sirius fiasco. Pete and James had their secrets – their moments – and while James and Sirius probably had them too, Remus missed Sirius' goofiness and his stupid puns. He didn't blame Sirius for hitting him; he had been just as stubborn as Sirius. He didn't care if his face was a sorry sight, Miss Pomfrey could solve that problem, he just wanted Sirius back.

As the door to the dormitory creaked open Remus looked up and found himself thinking that the devil worked in mysterious ways because he had just presented Remus with the very boy that occupied his thoughts. He watched as Sirius tried to look stoic and when Remus did not react he moved to Remus' side and sat beside him at the desk.

Sirius sat there silently waiting for the right words to hit him and Remus tried harder to write his potions notes. Nothing came to Sirius and so without knowing what else to do he took Remus' hand. The quill rolled away from the long fingertips and slowly Remus' hand gripped Sirius'. Sirius squeezed staring out the window ahead of them and Remus returned the gesture still feigning reading his textbook. A warm prickle wormed its way through Sirius' abdomen and with a slight shock he quickly untangled his hand from his friend's.

"I'm sorry." Sirius almost choked. He turned to look at Remus, mentally pleading for him to meet his gaze but Remus held his focus on the Potions book.

"I know."

"I don't hate you." Sirius offered leaning a little closer.

"I know."

"You're my friend Remus."

"I know."

"The world is round." Sirius gestured lamely with his hands, his distress evident on his face.

"I don't know that Sirius." Remus sighed and raised his head to Sirius. He saw Sirius' remorse and Remus hoped he was conveying his feeling of stupidity equally well. He closed his book and smiled. Sirius returned it eagerly and with much more finesse that Remus could manage.

"All those things I said... It was all bullshit." Remus elaborated cringing at the memory.

"So you love me Moony?" Sirius took the risk.

The response was blunt, "Don't start."

"I'm not! I'm asking you a question and I'm not going to make fun, I swear." Sirius held a hand up to his heart determined in every way to sensible.

"Hmm." Remus fingered the Advanced Potions Textbook in front of him.

"Well?"

"Yes," Remus said and looked up at the expectant Sirius who grinned in a small triumph, "_Because_ it's what you want to hear."

The grin fell off his face. Remus laughed lightly.

"That's not funny."

"It is."

"Okay I'll be fair. You can ask me a question, any question, if I can ask the same."

Remus considered the proposition for a moment, "No dice."

"Why?" Sirius leaned heavily on the desk, his face mocking outrage.

"Only last week you were beating me to a pulp." Remus said with a sigh, returning Sirius' drama.

Sirius smiled and moved closer.

"Yeah but that was _last _week." Sirius simpered, grinning partly to cover the embarrassment that still lingered inside him over the issue.

"Your mood swings are pretty fucking dramatic." Remus snorted, kicking Sirius' shin under the table.

The miffed Sirius gave a sigh in resignation, turning his back on Remus. Remus, ever willing to toy with Sirius, averted his own gaze and began once again to flip through _Advanced Potions_. It was not long before Sirius, who had been without Remus enough this millennium, cast a glance over his shoulder, before properly giving in and winding an arm around Remus' waist.

"Like I said before," Remus' voiced was hitched slightly, jumping at Sirius' intrusion, I'm not gay."

Remus left Sirius at the desk and, grabbing his pyjamas from the top of his trunk, slipped into the bathroom. Closing the door behind him, Remus let his head loll against it. He took a deep breath. His heart seemed to have sped up dramatically and for perhaps the only time in his life, Remus wished it was because he was unfit. Sure, you would have to be suffering if you could not walk the twenty-metre length of the dormitory, but Remus would rather that than consider the possibility that Sirius had caused such a reaction in him. Why was he even skirting around the question? Remus scolded himself; reassuring his mind that there was no way in the world he could like Sirius as anything more than a friend. After all, Remus _knew_ he was straight. He'd been out with girls, he'd kissed girls and those experiences were not unpleasant. In fact Remus would go so far as to say they were pretty good, so obviously there was no way he could be anything other than heterosexual.

Remus dismissed all thoughts but those concerning the upcoming Charms test as he showered. After turning off the taps, Remus stepped out from behind the curtain only to make a desperate grab for his towel when he realised Sirius was in front of the sink brushing his teeth. Heat prickled at Remus' face and neck as he wrapped the towel hastily around himself.

After ensuring the towel was properly fastened Remus looked up to see that Sirius was watching him through the mirror. Remus distracted himself from the situation by firing a question at the other boy, "You and Hannah still okay?"

Sirius spat out the toothpaste, "Yeah all I had to do was kiss it better," Sirius smirked, "And then I got laid."

Remus snorted, "Figures."

"You got anyone for the party yet?"

"Yes." Remus said curtly holding his head a little higher but still blushing slightly. It seemed that someone in the school was desperate for a Christmas party (Just like the year before and the year before that, and – why do people like parties so much?) and Dumbledore (probably keen to do some dancing himself) had allowed it take place in the Great Hall two days before the twenty-fifth. Most of the Hogwarts population were overjoyed by the opportunity and had lined up partners for the evening. It was only after a long struggle that Remus had convinced a girl to go with him.

"Oh? Dear me, Mr Moony has a girlfriend!" Sirius pushed him in the shoulder as Remus approached the sink to reach his own toothbrush, "What a pleasant surprise! What's her name?"

"Rachel, in our year." Rachel had hair dark enough to rival Sirius' and eyes to match her hair. She was a pleasant girl and she took Divination with Remus every Thursday afternoon and Tuesday morning. One afternoon when Remus' usual partner Justin McDonald had been sick and without a second thought Rachel slipped into the empty seat beside Remus and introduced herself. She had a sharp wit, which was quick to find faults with whatever they were being taught, and Remus admired that. More than her wit he admired her courage to state some of these more controversial thoughts aloud. Remus was surprised that no one else had asked her to the Christmas party before he did. Sometimes, it seemed, luck was on his side.

"Oo la la! House?" Sirius was turned towards Remus now and leaned in, so incredibly eager for details that he stopped looking at himself in the mirror. Remus suppressed a smile.

"Ravenclaw and shut it Sirius." He managed through a mouthful of toothpaste.

"You reckon your gonna get some?" Sirius waggled his eyebrows and Remus had to stop himself from laughing lest he spray toothpaste all over the mirror. Remus replied with a shrug and Sirius stood up tall once more examining his friend.

"Good luck." Was all he said.

Remus watched Sirius' back – and only his back – as he left the bathroom with a slight triumphant swagger in his step. Remus finished brushing his teeth and stayed staring at the mirror for some time. He hung his head as he leaned on the edge of the sink. Something about Sirius and the party made him feel uneasy and a little sick on top of that. It was fair to say that better things than the wretched party had occupied his mind but now that it had been mentioned it inspired him with fear. By nature, Remus Lupin was a nervous person. Rachael was a nice girl and Remus thought she was attractive but he had almost hurled when he asked her to the Yule Ball. He wasn't like Sirius, and he felt as though he trying to match him and this most of all made him uneasy.

Then other things cropped up in Remus' mind. Forcing him to think about stuff he usually kept locked away with his other skeletons. Remus felt that things needed to be kept secret. He never told anyone any of his secrets and if he ha to be sure they were completely trustworthy. Like being a werewolf - Remus considered that as something which should be hidden. Remus changed slowly, his mind still lingering on this collection of confronting thoughts. When he did leave the bathroom, he was so consumed with his own thoughts that when he collapsed on his bed he found Sirius beside him. A prickle of surprise hit him wondering for a moment if he had flopped onto Sirius' bed by accident. By grin that Sirius was sporting however, Remus was sure that the sometimes-canine was in fact invading Remus' bed.

"Get your own bed." Remus mumbled shoving Sirius unceremoniously off the bed, trying not to think about what Sirius looked like when he slept.

"I reckon yours is more comfy than mine." Sirius picked himself off the floor and watched Remus pull the covers over himself.

"And?" Remus raised his eyebrows slightly; wary of the way Sirius was scanning his bed.

"You wanna trade?" Sirius' voice sounded much more gravelly that it otherwise would have.

Remus frowned, "Sirius, what the hell?"

"Just asking!" Sirius whined voice suddenly back to normal pitch. When he remained standing Remus gave a sigh and made to roll over.

"Righto, night Sirius." Remus looked at Sirius for a final time before putting his back between them. He attempted to will himself to sleep but found it impossible to do so with Sirius still lingering beside the bed. Remus could hear the gears of indecision turning over in Sirius' head. After some strained seconds Remus flipped over and frowned at the taller boy.

"What?" Remus asked tongue clicking. Although Remus had meant to sound annoyed he didn't realise his mouth was that dry.

"Nothing." Sirius said with all the innocence in the world.

Remus didn't like that tone. He gave Sirius, whose mouth was slowly twisting into a grin once more another frown before rolling over again. This time he was more determined than ever to ignore the boy.

"Okay, I had two hours sleep last night, I want to go to bed, so I'm turning off the lights."

James' cracked voice floated through the now silent dorm. Remus looked around to see him slip into bed. Peter on James' far side quickly stowed a book he was reading and settled himself down for sleep. An odd feeling settled in Remus' gut. Peter and James must have slipped in while he and Sirius were using the bathroom and he didn't even notice. Remus sighed internally deciding that he must be going mad. As soon as the lights were doused Remus felt a weight on the edge of his bed. He sat up. Sirius had sat down and was running a hand through his hair. A shaft of moonlight from the window hit Sirius' face illuminating his pale skin and playing with his strong features and ran down his straight nose. He'd seen Sirius a million times before, but now was his chance to truly look at him. Sirius' dark hair was slightly wavy like Padfoot's pelt and barely brushed his shoulders. Remus couldn't see his eyes in the dark but he knew they were a ferocious steely grey that had once frightened him. A small frown graced his face and at that moment Sirius could not have been any more noble or thoughtful. It was a moment before Remus realised he was staring, flushed and had an increased pulse rate. Thankfully Sirius was still too occupied with his hair to notice Remus.

Uncomfortable, Remus shifted a little and finally broke the silence in a whisper, "Sirius?"

Spell broken, Sirius removed his hand from his hair and fixed Remus with those grey eyes of his and whispered back, "Yeah?"

"What's up?" Remus felt stupid for asking, but Sirius didn't seem to think so because he frowned again and looked down at his knees, thinking hard.

"I dunno this thing just came over me." He gestured vaguely with a limp wrist.

"Yeah."

Dissatisfied with his own response, Remus put a hand on tentatively on Sirius' shoulder. Sirius moved at his touch. But contrary to Remus' prediction that he would move away Sirius leaned into his palm. It was as if a thousand lightbulbs strobed in unison as Remus moved his and across Sirius' back and as if a tiny universe exploded when Sirius fell into his chest. It was five deep breaths before Remus pulled Sirius closer, wrapping his arms around the strong torso. Sirius pressed his forehead into Remus' jaw and nudged his neck with his nose. Remus sighed and his eyelids fluttered.

Moments of nothing passed. Remus couldn't even hear James's snoring. All that he could sense was the hot breath on his neck and the gentle sound of Sirius breathing. Sirius sat up pulling himself from Remus who forced his hands to drop as the contact was broken. It was as if Sirius was asking him a question when Remus saw those eyes fixed on him again. Remus wasn't sure whether or not Sirius could see anything in his own hazel eyes but he hadn't found anything yet because he was still looking. It was as if all Remus' thoughts had been frozen because he was staring into his best friend's eyes and was being consumed and wasn't caring. It just _was_. It was just as natural when Sirius let his arm creep up Remus' arm and pulled him closer. When their foreheads touched and then their noses Remus could not feel himself attached to his body anymore. Sirius' warm breath caressed his lips and cheeks and if that was not enough to make Remus keel over and die right there, the feeling of Sirius' hand buried in his sandy hair would be. He must have been mad because it was in that moment he felt he was walking on air, untouchable and Remus decided he couldn't live another moment without pressing his lips to Sirius'.

His lips were soft. The moment was so brilliant Remus found he couldn't move until Sirius began kissing him, moving across his mouth moving his mouth in such a way that Remus could not help but obey and return the movement. It was so slow it was agonising and Remus felt him burning up. A rough hand pulled his head forward and this kiss was broken as words were whispered into his lips.

"Oh Moony."

And Remus froze. For a moment his was a wide-eyed dear in the headlights of a ten tonne truck and then he was pushing Sirius away and choking, gagging and wiping his mouth. Sirius just watched almost expressionless except for a slight frown. Remus pulled his blankets back over himself. Sirius sat exactly where he was. Suddenly it was as if time had almost stopped and had now begun to run at normal speed again. There was a moment when Remus thought he heard Sirius say something but it could have just as easily been the breeze that was brushing up against the window.

There was more aching silence and then, the weight lifted from Remus' bed. He felt loss somewhere in his system but it was overridden with swelling confusion and the churning in his gut. Sirius was no longer watching him, but it was hours before Remus could fall asleep and by that time it was almost breakfast.

* * *

Ignoring Sirius was terrible. Remus had tried it before after the fight but he had ended up caving within the week. It was impossible to force yourself to stay away from that friend who knows just how to make up smile even when you have double History of Magic next period. But this wasn't like the fight at all – Remus was not angry with Sirius but he was very afraid. Since that night three days ago Remus had being filing through his memory questioning every conversation he'd ever had with Sirius. Then he analysed all the gestures between them and the appropriateness of the present Sirius had bought him last Christmas. Yes even the book "How to Find the Right Witch" was under scrutiny.

Remus let his head fall into his hands. He was sitting in a gloomy corner of the library hiding from the rest of the Marauders. Today James had worked up a brilliant plan using their recently finalised Marauder's Map to surprise Snape in a hallway and cover him with some Never-Be-Gone-Goo that they had purchased on their last Hogsmead trip. While Remus was more of a background worker on pranks - more keen on planning the logistics than actually doing anything cruel – he still wanted to see the plan in action and of course the look of Snape's face when he tried to charm away the goo. Remus was surprised that he didn't feel bad for Snape at this moment but figured that he was not feeling the best towards himself at the moment so what hope did others have?

As he thought of Hogsmead it dawned on him. The next Hogsmead trip was tomorrow. Remus groaned and let his head thump on the desk the loud sound of which earning him a 'shush' from the Librarian and a withering look from Lucius Malfoy on a nearby table. If Remus had looked up he would have seen one Severus Snape – quite free from Never-Be-Gone-Goo for the time being – watching him with growing intrigue.

Remus however did not look up until he felt a warm hand on his shoulder. The contact made him jump but on looking up into the face of its owner he felt a wave of relief wash over him.

"Hello Remus," Rachel looked at him with a mixture of curiosity and confusion, "Something wrong?"

Remus smiled at her. He liked the way her eyebrows curved up with her questions. Upon seeing Rachel's look of growing concern he realised he should say something, "Oh nothing really. Just school."

Remus waved his hand in an attempt to dismiss the problem as he had seen Sirius do so many times before but judging by Rachel's sceptical look he wasn't doing it quite so well. To his surprise and relief, Rachel didn't probe any further.

"Feeling okay for the Divination practical on Tuesday?" She sat beside him and Remus became transfixed by her black hair. Again he had to force himself to answer.

"Oh, yeah." He smiled weakly.

Rachel smiled and leaned towards him, pressing their lips together. An image of a completely different individual with dark hair flashed across Remus' mind. He fought hard to suppress a squeak but managed to do so by focusing on the kiss he was sharing with Rachel. Rachel was beautiful but still he couldn't find anything that made him enjoy the kiss. He frowned and pulled her closer. Why wasn't this causing anything? Remus didn't feel like he needed to rip all his clothes off or anything. Sirius always said that's what he felt like doing when he kissed a girl. Remus' lips faltered when he thought of the mischievous boy and before he knew it Rachel was pulling away.

Despite himself, Remus felt slightly relieved.

Rachel continued to engage him in idle chatter and somewhere in amongst her smiles and quick comments Remus found himself agreeing to go to Hogsmead with her. Of course being courteous she said that Remus' friends should come along too and Remus being equally courteous, of course, agreed to that as well. When the bell for lunch sounded Rachel practically bounded out of her seat saying she need to impart some news to a friend while Remus sat smiling and nodding at her every word. When he was finally left alone, Remus let his let hit the table again and he found himself wishing he had played more hide and seek as a child – apparently he was lacking finesse at hiding.

Eventually he decided that he needed to eat and so made for Gryffindor tower to rid himself of his cumbersome book bag before lunch. The walk gave him sometime to think - his mind deciding spur of the moment to play the devil's advocate. Before his eyelids to opposing images were thrust. The first was the kiss he had with Rachel in the Library, which was all muted colours. The second was a mirror to the first but with brilliant colours, fire, pain, strangling confusion and the feeling of Sirius' lips on his own. Remus saw the images, but refused to make any connection. One was a mistake, the other was wrong and that's all, he profusely told himself.

* * *

Remus tried to study in the common room that night. But the noise was louder than usual. One Third Year had just insulted his little brat of a pal and they were careening around the room at a dizzying pace. They were met with a gruff chorus of insults and threats from the weary troupe of seventh years that were slumped in the corner. They pulled faces and continued to attack each other - inducing squeals from the first years at the sight of the fight - until James came up and told them he was "Head Boy so rack off". Within the blink of an eye, they were up the stairs and into their dorms without another word.

When Remus finally collapsed into bed he found he was too weary to move. Nor could he reply to the 'goodnights' sent his way. As he felt his eyelids fall shut and the realm of sleep consume him he could not shake the feeling of grey eyes absorbing his image.


	5. In Short, I Was Afraid

**Chapter 5: In Short, I Was Afraid**

Being dragged along is not very fun. Remus was desperate not to go to Hogsmead, not to sit down in the Three Broomsticks and not the end up downing four or more Fire Whiskeys. But no matter how Remus wanted not to do those things, he knew that they were exactly what he was going to do.

"_What's up with you?" _The memory of James' voice floated into his mind, snarky tone in tact.

"_Nothing."_

"_No point in sulking Rem." Sirius piped in._

"_I'm not sulking."_

"_Whatever."_

"Remus, Hello? Earth to Remus!" The present time caught up with him with a jolt and he found himself watching Sirius wave a hand in front of his face.

"What?" Remus frowned. He was already being forced into this so he wasn't in the mood for being teased.

"Just making sure you're still in there." Sirius gave one of those smiles that girls faint at the sight of. Remus clicked his tongue.

"Okay." He said rather too curtly.

There was silence between the group members that gave Remus time to enjoy his peaceful existence before it all went to hell. Remus was just glad they were meeting the girls not walking with them for if they had been he would be deprived of his final moment.

"Hey look there's Lily, see you in there." The other three boys did almost not hear the second half of the sentence as James sprinted off towards Lily. Apparently while Remus had been caught up in his own dilemma James had one the seven-year-long war by getting Lily Evans to go on a date with him. Remus keenly felt bad for not having been there when James broke the news to the group. He would have loved to cheer his friend on and it hurt that his selfish hiding had stolen that moment away. Determined not to miss anything else with his moping, Remus turned to look at his friends.

"Where's Pete?" Remus queried realising that now it was just Sirius and himself walking together.

"He wandered off with James," Sirius shoved his hands in his thick winter robes and turned to Remus with a sly smile, "Gosh Remus, you're supposed to be the observant one."

Remus fixed his vision on the Three Broomsticks determined to not let his lapse in character get t o him. In an attempt at remedying the situation he took in the scene. Remus hadn't been outside the castle much, being burdened with schoolwork as he was and he had forgotten how pleasant it was. Being late December, winter had settled in and last night snow had fallen blanketed everything in a thick white layer. It made everything look more magical. Remus liked the snow and the crunch it made as he pushed his boots through it. He became so caught up in his musings he forgot about Sirius. The said boy's face dropped. He nudged Remus, "You okay?"

Remus shook himself and smiled up at Sirius, "Yeah, just tired."

Sirius smiled back and Remus found himself thinking that he liked the way the cold at made Sirius' cheeks and nose red. Concern flickered over Sirius' features, "You don't want to be here?"

"Nup." Remus sighed at turned back to look at the approaching Hogsmead. _Approaching doom_, he corrected himself.

"C'mon! It'll be fun," Sirius put a hand Remus' shoulder and gestured wildly with his free hand. He paused to wink at Remus, "And Rachel will be there."

Remus shook him off, irked at the thought of the lovely girl from Divination, "Right."

"Moony?"

Remus stiffened. He felt himself thrown backwards three days and once more he was in the darkened dormitory, Sirius kissing him and his whole body flaring up, '_Oh Moony_.'

"Don't call me that." Remus snapped, suddenly alert.

"What? Moony? C'mon I always call you that! What's got into you?"

"I'm fine."

"You're not."

There was silence as Sirius waited for a reaction. There was more as he did not get one. Sirius did not respond verbally, but the way the air around him suddenly prickled was more than enough for Remus to tell that he was no longer interested in talking. Usually this would have been a point of concern, however, Remus was in no mood for conservation himself. Sirius had moved away from Remus and was swaggering towards the Three Broomsticks. Remus caught his smile before it burst onto his face. It was if in most situations Sirius needed to talk himself into action. The swagger was like a pep talk, he was getting prepared to trow all his lady-killing cards on the table. He watched the back of his friend's head as he disappeared inside the establishment. Remus looked up at the usually jolly emblem of three crossed brooms. It was at this point as he decided he should take another step so that he would no longer be outside the building when his brain put up resistance. Apparently even his subconscious was feeling uneasy about this particular evening and Remus was never one to argue with something that was going to win anyway so he sat down triumphantly on the ground. Just as smugness settled in, his thoughts were interrupted.

"Remus? Why aren't you with us?"

Remus looked up to see Rachel with concern scrawled across her face for the second time that week. The way her beautiful black hair curled and framed her face made Remus want to allow the goofy smile consuming him show, but his brain had better ideas. Now, apparently, was not the time to go soft because Remus' brain answered before he could do anything to embarrass himself.

"Because I'm not." Remus was surprised at the firmness in his own voice.

Rachel frowned, and it seemed to Remus that a million different retorts were flying to the front of her mind. With a sigh – and to Remus' surprised – she squashed them all and playfully hit Remus on the arm, "That's not an excuse! C'mon! Get in here we're missing you!"

"I'm not coming." Remus said calmly. This was one moment where he was truly proud of himself. Rachel frowned again, but instead of saying anything she simply tugged on his shirt.

"What's happening?" Both Remus and Rachel turned to look at Hannah's make-up lathered face as it peered around the door. Her slightly open mouth, accompanied by her brightly painted face reminded Remus of the sideshow game, but he decided Hannah probably did not want to hear that.

Rachel straightened and narrowed her eyes before turning to Hannah, "Oh he's staying out here."

"Rem! Stop being an arse!" Sirius's head appeared next to his girlfriend's.

Sirius' appearance only made Remus make more connections with sideshow games and soon his head was watching acrobats and fire-breathers. It was very apparent to the three people watching Remus that he wasn't about to reply any time soon. Hannah sighed, "Whatever, just leave him."

Hannah took Rachel's arm and led her inside with Sirius hovering long enough to give Remus a good, long frown before ducking back inside the Three Broomsticks. As Hannah continued to pull her towards the table where James was flirting shamelessly with Lily, Rachel could not help but watch Remus' hunched figure with genuine concern. Remus grumbled quietly to himself – all visions of clowns and elephants faded. His brain had not given him enough permission to walk himself back to Hogwarts apparently. Not only could he not be with his friends, he couldn't leave them either. There was nothing left to do so Remus brought his knees up to his chest and rested his chin on top of them. It was at this point he closed his eyes and thought of England. It was also at this point that his thoughts of rolling green fields were interrupted.

"Are you and Rach having trouble?" Said a voice from somewhere above him.

_Rach_. Sirius had a nickname for her. And, of course it was Sirius. He was like a dog with a bone. If he was happy, but someone was just mildly okay he would hassle them until they were happy – no one would ruin Sirius' fun. He gritted his teeth at the thought of Sirius and his ideas of fun. It was at this point that Remus realised he should answer Sirius. Indeed his friend had buckled up with concern at Remus' silence so far, but Remus could not think of any avoidance tactic he could possibly use to avoid anything at this moment. Especially if it was Sirius. Sirius always knew.

He could still feel Sirius standing there, waiting for an answer and apparently he got an invitation because Remus became aware of a warm body next to his.

And there it was.

The feeling that Remus had tried to wrench from himself when Rachel placed a hand on his shoulder or when she put her arm through his or when she kissed him. And here it was as Sirius, his friend, sat beside him, not even leaning against him. Remus knew that he had to be calm as over reactions never help anyone. He told himself to forget about it.

"Sorry." Remus didn't look up; he knew Sirius was looking at him he didn't need to see it.

"For what?" Sirius said with a strangely large amount of wistfulness that Remus would have never associated him with.

Remus shook his head, "For ruining the trip to Hogsmead."

"I forgive you," Sirius said as if there was no question about it. Remus hazarded a glance at his friend. Sirius smiled and Remus knew that not even Hannah would have seen this expression on Sirius. It was knowing and gentle and everything that Sirius tried to deny he was. So Remus knew when he saw that smile that it was just for him. He smiled back. Sirius continued, "I forgive you, as long as you tell me what the hell is wrong with you, you great git."

Sirius nudged Remus' shoulder and Remus couldn't help but chuckle. Sirius beamed because once again he was good at the only job he was born to do. Remus didn't see that much into the grin but he smiled anyway. Remus knew Sirius was trying to joke with him make him feel better. But Sirius also wanted the truth. Remus couldn't lie and Sirius didn't deserve it, but finding the words to describe something Remus couldn't even see was pointless.

"And don't say nothing 'cos that's a load of crap." Sirius gave him a pointed look and at that moment Sirius could have been his mother with that expression on his face.

Remus smiled and swayed his head. He had to be straightforward, "I don't want to talk about it."

"M-Remus," Sirius corrected himself remembering Remus had had a sudden aversion to his nickname, "I'm not asking you, I'm telling you."

Remus looked up, but straight ahead and sighed deeply. Even to his own ears it sounded strange when a subject so awkward could be mentioned so lightly, "Just that Thursday night was quite odd."

Sirius frowned and immediately Remus knew he shouldn't have said anything. This frown of Sirius' was the one he used when he had had too much to drink the previous night and so he was trying to piece together his evening from his memories and snatches of information you were telling him. Remus knew that look well. Sirius had already decided that the moment didn't exist in the pages of history and if that was what Sirius wanted, then Remus could not deny him that. However, another part of Remus' mind took over, outraged at being forgotten.

"Don't play dumb with me," The words held the typical Remus tranquillity when he uttered them but Remus didn't remember ever deciding to say them. Guilt was drawn so heavily onto Sirius' face and Remus didn't need to speak, but nodded his understanding for Sirius' aversion to the subject.

Sirius straightened and an aura of determination surrounded him, "Okay, what about it?"

"I," Remus began. He looked at his hands and the horizon before he pulled his head around to look at the dark haired boy beside him. He steeled himself and continued, "I just keep thinking about it. It's haunting me."

Remus spat out the words and waited for Sirius to answer. He hoped they didn't sound as though Remus had been constantly thinking about their brief interaction. Sirius just nodded slowly, "Yeah it was a bit weird."

A churning feeling in his stomach made Remus frown at Sirius' response. Silence fell over them. Remus turned to stare at the now-white landscape. In his own mind, a landscape was painting itself for him. However this mental picture was not blank white but had two pools of colour ebbing and flowing around each other, locked in a struggle but unable to compromise. Remus could not fathom his thoughts as abstract as they were so he instead on the black scratch on the horizon that was the Shrieking Shack. Even though every full moon inspired in Remus the fear that someone may discover him, or worse, be mauled by him, he was infinitely grateful for all his friends had done for him. It was in their sixth year that Remus had pulled together enough Gryffindor courage to out himself. While Peter was wary at first – as he was to most new ideas – Sirius and James refused to any of Remus self-deprecation and insisted that the news changed nothing. It was almost as if, Remus considered replaying the scene through his mind, that they had practiced the speech; that they knew already. Peter, of course followed James whole hearted acceptance as soon as the scruffy-haired boy had put it forward and – refusing to allow Remus time to wallow in self-pity – the three quickly imagined up ways to help Remus. The stroke of brilliance to run beside Remus as animals, of course, had come from James because he was the ideas man but it probably wouldn't have come through without Sirius' flawless optimism, determination and raw magical talent. The three had studied throughout the latter part of the year before spending the summer break practicing their transformations. Sirius had been able to transform first but by this stage in late December, even Peter had mastered his rat form. Of course, it was always Sirius who pulled them through. It wasn't just being animagi but every prank in some way hinged on his charisma. He was a damn good friend. Remus said the sentence over to himself until it imprinted into his brain – Sirius _was_ a damn good friend.

"Are you two coming in or what?" Remus raised his gaze from the horizon to see a disgruntled James looking down his glasses at him, hands on hips. James had that I'm-two-years-old-and-no-one-is-giving-me-a-lollipop frown that he wore so well that Remus couldn't help but smile. This naturally made James deepen his frown until it seemed those lines in his forehead would never come out. It had been very hard for James to leave Lily's side especially when she was so receptive to his advances and of course he didn't mind being the centre of attention once star of the show, Sirius was gone but even so James could not see his friends out of sorts. Then to see Remus smile that very warm, loving, Remus Lupin smile and Sirius drawing in the snow he wondered why he was the understudy at all when the hero and his sidekick were occupied. For once it would be nice to be the hero. He had been watching his friends through the large bay window that was the front of the Three Broomsticks when he realised that he was just the stand-in and the show really could not go on without the two loveable idiots in front of him. Despite his irritation however, James could see past it all to notice that two of his best friends were and had been acting out of character for some time.

"No." Remus said with an almost contemplative air.

"Yes." Sirius said at the exact same moment as Remus but continuing to doodle anyway.

"Remus stop being difficult and get in there!" Lily had joined the ranks. James smiled at this small triumph. With the feisty redhead on side Remus would have to yield. However he could not help but think that at this moment the majority of their party was outside. This in turn led him to think about who would be playing the star role once the star _and_ understudy had vanished. Lily, however was not concerned with such a trivial matter but was occupied with Remus, "Honestly, you would think you didn't like Rachel! She feels awful like you've been avoiding her, or something."

Remus received a wave of guilt and his smile melted away. Under the scrutiny of Lily's eyes he was small, useless and had about as much humanity as a cockroach. A new melancholy swelled through him. It was so powerful he did not even contemplate the similarities in Lily and James' stances – both scowls and hand on hips. It was at this point that Remus regretted a great deal of things. He regretted fighting with Sirius and being jealous and all of those other terrible feeling he had that led to him feeling he needed to prove something. He regretted giving in to that feeling and asking Rachel out because of it. In fact he regretted that there was this stupid Christmas Party to begin with. He didn't understand relationships of a romantic nature and he should have never believed he could have especially with so much else hanging over him. He really did like Rachel but it was apparent now that they were meant to be friends and probably would have been good once had Remus not put his foot in it and instigated something more. With these washes of remorse, Remus found the churning had returned to his gut.

"Look I just don't feel well."

Lily sighed and rolled her eyes. She didn't know if it was al boys or just these boys that were so stubborn. She considered a moment still scowling. No, it was just these boys because Heath Sullivan in her Herbology class was as suggestible as the Forbidden Forest was forbidden. Seeing no breakthrough on the situation, Lily turned on her heel and strode back into the bar rubbing her temples. James' face dropped as he looked from Lily's retreating back to Remus still sitting and looking up at him with eternal calm. James spluttered, in awe that he was on the side that lost, but was soon following Lily back into the Three Broomsticks.

Feeling a tug at his elbow, Remus turned to see Sirius pulling on his shirt. The dark-haired boy had one eye brow quirked and Remus realised he had just lost, "C'mon Rem, it isn't that bad."

The voice could have been playfully seductive if Remus had not known that it was Sirius addressing him. He inclined his head but spoke in even tones, "That's what you say."

"Please, just go in there." Sirius whined resorting to pushing Remus in the shoulder repeatedly.

Slightly taken aback at the nature of the request – politeness and whining in the same phrase was quite something – Remus could not oblige him, "Okay."

Sirius brightened and sprang to his feet before offering a hand to his friend, "That's the Remus Lupin I know!"

* * *

"An' so I says to the guy..." James Potter slurred, his left eyelid drooping more than the other as he pointed to where said guy was imagined to be standing. He was not in a pretty state but after the Marauders downed twenty-two Fore Whiskeys between them no one was full in control of their faculties.

Remus was naturally a sleepy drunk so when their little group staggered into the common room he curled himself into a corner of the sofa and drifted off never hearing the end of James' conversation. Rachel having had less to drink, as sensible people do, decided she should end the night and retire to the Ravenclaw dormitories. Lily was also quick to untangle herself from the inebriated James and say her goodnights. Hannah however was still there and probably had the most to drink out of anyone. She was clinging to Sirius' arm, who was off on some cloud and giggling about it. By contrast, Peter was still in the room and hanging off James' every word – not that it made much sense.

Remus' sleep was dreamless and comfortable until he was woken by a heavy sounding thump. Through groggy eyes Remus noticed that James was now snuggling into the carpet where he had fallen. After a scan of the room Remus noticed that apart from James, Sirius who still sat beside Remus, was the only other person in the room. James gave a broken snore before trying to pull the carpet around him like a blanket. Remus' eyes came to rest on Sirius who was also asleep. Remus looked from Sirius to James and back a couple of times. He settled himself in to his corner of the lounge once more and tucked his legs up underneath himself. His eyes fell on Sirius again and as he watched the boy's chest rise and fall he became aware that once sleepy, Remus was wide awake. There was great hesitaion on Remus' part and a few false starts but slowly he crawled across the sofa towards Sirius. He reached out slowly and inch-by-inch Sirius far shoulder came closer to his outstretched hand. Once he held Sirius in place he slowly lowered his head into the space between Sirius's neck and shoulder all the while waiting for either James or Sirius to wake up.

He let his head rest as lightly as possible for sometime before he realised it was safe to breathe. Remus pressed his forehead against Sirius neck and his eyes drifted shut again at the feel of Sirius' pulse in his throat. It was as his eyes fluttered shut that Sirius stirred and froze, awake and aware of Remus on him. Instead of the playful shove he had expected Remus felt a hand run through his hair and another around his waist. Remus pulled his head back and was met with Sirius' gray eyes. Nothing was said but Remus obeyed when Sirius pulled him closer. Remus felt his forehead rest against the other boy's cheek. Again he could feel warm breath on his lips and half-drunk Remus bent his head up to kiss Sirius. Suddenly however, the handsome boy was alert and sitting up straight leaving Remus hovering, waiting.

"Moony, I think I've had too many." Sirius looked at Remus with all the earnestness in the world. Remus readjusted himself so he was eye-to-eye with Sirius. He considered the statement favouring that than anything else his mind may have decided to linger on.

"Yeah I think so too." Remus stated lifting a hand from Sirius' shoulder to rub his own temple. Sirius' was wearing his mask of thought when Remus glanced up at him.

"You do?" Sirius's eyes filled with some kind of emotional cocktail you can only achieve when you're too intoxicated for words.

"Yeah, I mean I've had lots, but so have you." Remus yawned, tiredness ebbing through his body. He closed his eyes and leaned once again against Sirius who seemed to not object to the intrusion.

"I know way too many... Moony?" Sirius had gone all glassy eyed.

"Yeah?" Remus managed sleep sucking him in.

"How many do you reckon' you've had?"

"Well, I wasn't counting but James said that the four of us had twenty-two together."

"Doubt it. James is too involved with other stuff to have that many."

Remus pulled his head up and looked at Sirius. It was moments like these when Remus was at his least observant and Sirius had withdrawn into his strange philosophies that Remus had to question what they were really talking about, "Like what?"

"Evans for one." Sirius stated nodding sagely.

"Yeah he really loves her." Remus, content for the moment closed his eyes letting himself fall into his friend.

"She is very attractive, but not my type you know?"

"Yeah, she's not mine either."

"What is your type?" Sirius poked Remus in the chest as he questioned.

Remus sat back, frowning slightly and untangled himself from Sirius as he answered, "Dunno, just not her."

"But Rachel is like Evans," Sirius flailed his arms, irritation seeping through his mask, "so how do you figure?"

"Not sure," Remus sighed, "just, people are different."

Sirius leaned back into the sofa and closed his eyes. Remus just sat where he was and watched his friend lie there. At that moment anyone could have told Remus that Sirius was master of the universe and he would have believed them. He raised his arm slowly and lightly hit Sirius on the arm – just to make sure his friend was really corporeal – and in response Sirius put his legs across Remus' lap. Sirius let a jet of air escape his lips.

Remus watched his friend in all his drunken majesty. He frowned and single thought disturbing his mind's tranquillity, "Padfoot?"

"Yeah?" Sirius replied but did not stir.

"Why do you like Hannah?"

Sirius opened his eyes, frowned then looked at Remus.

"I don't know, she's nice and attractive, but..."

"But?" Perhaps it was a little too hopeful.

"I dunno, she is great, but she needs something more." Sirius said with a definitive air. He nodded at his own assessment.

Remus shifted under the weight of Sirius' legs, "Do you like her?"

"Yeah I guess, why?"

"Just wondering."

"You never 'just wonder' Remus." Sirius said a trickle of laughter on his tongue.

"Well, it's just that, you asked me about Rachael."

"Fair call."

Sirius let his head fall back against the sofa and closed his eyes once more. Remus let his eyes wander over Sirius' features and take them in without any of the guilt that came with sobriety. It was as if Sirius was an artwork and Remus could simply stare at him for eons and never tire of it. His conscience caught up with him and soon he realised that – as the others had – he must go to bed as well. Pushing Sirius' legs from his lap Remus stiffly got to his feet.

"I'm going to bed now Padfoot," Remus stretched himself as he spoke offering an excuse to wait for Sirius' response, "night."

There was a groan, "Wait up," Sirius pulled himself to his feet and sighed, "I'm coming too."

Climbing the stairs with Sirius at his heels, Remus tried not to describe his friend's breath on his neck as husky. It felt dangerously safe. The type of safe you could get used to, but shouldn't. It was this feeling that stole the hope of any smile being on Remus face while Sirius was so close to him. When he collapsed on his own bed (miraculously forgetting his evening routine) it took him sometime to realise that Sirius was lying beside him. At first he could just feel it, the rhythmic breathing that drifted through the darkness of the dormitory, but soon Remus turned himself and caught Sirius' gaze. As Remus looked into those grey eyes he wondered if these were the same eyes that Hannah saw, if Sirius looked at her the same way he was looking at Remus now. Remus searched, but could not find an answer.

More than anything, Remus realised how tired he was. He sighed and pushed Sirius without much force behind the action at all. As his hand retreated, Remus felt a jolt of Surprise as Sirius caught his arm bringing it around himself. Slowly Remus' face fell as Sirius reached forward to brush his fingertips across his jaw. Remus knew that he was in a trance, but he could not break it.

"Calm down Rem," Sirius smirked apparently aware that Remus' heartbeat had increased pace. His fingers lingered on Remus' check and the smaller boy knew that it was impossible at this point to be calm.

Remus squirmed without any real intent. Sirius simply smiled in that way that Remus liked to think of as Sirius' smile for him. As the dark haired boy brought their foreheads together Remus felt as though a beautiful flower had just unfurled in his stomach. Remus felt his own hand squeeze the shoulder that was still in his grasp. In response Sirius moved closer. The flower inside Remus was growing rapidly, its roots sinking into his limbs and its stem twisting through his veins. Unable to contain it any longer, he pushed their noses together, begging that Sirius understood his simply desire.

"Moony, Moony my dear Moony." Sirius breathed, every exhalation tickling the Remus' skin, which had begun to crawl in a way that was not unpleasant. Although he had chastised Sirius from using his nickname earlier he could not quite remember why because hearing it now was heavenly.

Even so Remus could smell the Fire Whisky in his words, "Sirius, you've had way too much."

"We've had this conversation" Sirius whispered in a voice so low it was hard to tell whether of not there was any exasperation in it, "I know I said I've had too and so have you. That's why I'm here."

And there it was, a prickle that made the flower quiver to the very tips of its petals. It was a feeling that Remus seemed to have absorbed into his system because he could not rid himself of it. Remus' voice tried not to break as he spoke, "Remind me again what we're talking about?"

Sirius did not answer but pulled him close. It was with only slight concern that Remus fell asleep but once he had fallen he did not wake until morning. When he did wake the sun had just begun its steady climb across the sky and he soon realised that despite whom he'd fallen asleep beside, his bed was now empty.

* * *

**Author's note: Paitence is a virtue. Thank you. I suppose some of you may know that editing a story is far harder than writing a new one. Even so, I could not give up on this. Yes, there have been some major changes, and yes, it may feel like we are going backwards, but no, we are right on course. Things have changed and hopefully for the better. Just know that there will be a chapter six. And, damn it, it will be here soon.**


	6. Rivals and Regrets

**Chapter 6: Rivals and Regrets**

Severus Snape was not a forgiving individual. Then again, he had little right to be forgiving in many of the circumstances he found himself in. His father, of course, had always impressed upon him the importance of unconditional forgiveness as some sort of connection to spiritual forces. But Snape thought that if these spiritual forces watched and created everything then it had been them who threw the Marauders in his way. And if so, to hell with spirituality. Rarely was there a time when Potter and Black weren't plotting to make his life hell. Snape never particularly included Peter Pettigrew or Remus Lupin in the plotting because they were merely pawns – Potter and Black's pawns respectively. Nevertheless Snape did not exclude them from his list that he reserved for people he disliked with a passion because they enabled the bullying. Lately however, no matter how hard he tried, he could not quite bring himself to hate Lupin.

It had happened in the library before Christmas and that ridiculous party that Snape had boycotted (an evening well spent perfecting a spell that induced a lot of bleeding in the victim). A month had almost past and yet Snape could not forget the scene; Lupin alone, shifty and most obviously distressed. Now that was curious. It was very rare indeed that Lupin, of all people, should be alone and even rarer still that the aforementioned boy seemed as though he wanted to be alone. The desire to be alone might not be visible to others, but to Snape who knew the feeling well it was written in glowing ink across Lupin's forehead. Yes, all the signs had been there, the glances towards the door, the sinking into his chair and being so consumed in his thoughts he practically jumped out of his skin when that snarky Ravenclaw touched his shoulder. All of this made Snape very, very interested to the point where he could not shake the thought.

Snape would snarl at the suggestion that he would ever have anything in common with Lupin but despite this it was very true. He sat at the desk in the Slytherin seventh year dormitory as he recounted all his thoughts and an outside observer could not help but notice frown lines and a critical gaze of his that were reminiscent of a certain Gryffindor.

He had just finished his Transfiguration essay. Snape would hope that his well-crafted thesis and flawless supporting information would be enough to enable him to surpass Lupin in the subject. Black made no effort and Potter little more but both performed well academically. Lupin however was intelligent and diligent which made Snape's skin crawl as he would use those very two adjectives to describe himself. That was not boasting on Snape's part it was all true.

Intelligence and diligence aside, Snape's thoughts began to analyse the conundrum that was Remus Lupin.

Nothing about Lupin fit quite right, now that Snape actually considered it. He was flanked by two of the loudest, most arrogant and irritating people in the world and yet Lupin was none of these things. Then again, Snape considered, that was possibly understandable as opposites do attract. More to the point, Lupin had many unexplained _regular_ absences and scars on his face – did the Gryffindor participate in organised fistfights? Unlikely. These facts made Snape uneasy, but they were not the crux of the matter. No, no, that was the Ravenclaw's role in all of this.

For all of Lupin's time at Hogwarts, Snape had never seen the boy around women except for Evans and the slags Black dragged around. Yet, for no apparent reason – except possibly the Christmas Party, but Snape did not consider that a Lupin-worthy reason –this Ravenclaw with flowing black hair was at Remus' side, holding his arm and – in the library a month ago – kissing him. Now this was truly interesting. Especially since all the while Lupin looked half a bad oyster away from throwing up. A smirk grew on Snape's crooked face as he thought this and he tapped his quill against his parchment in triumph. There were simply some things that people with brains like Severus Snape's could not help but notice.

* * *

Above the general buzz that swirled around the Hogwarts corridors came a blood-curdling screech of hysterical laughter. A sea of student heads turned to see the source of the disruption. Remus Lupin had just run into a suit of armour because he hadn't been looking were he was going. He had been too thoroughly distracted by the creature now cackling at his expense to pay much attention to his footing. Peeves, who was already having fun annoying Remus, was now bubbling over with sheer delight.

"Loopy Lupin better watch where he is going or he'll fall into the lake and be eaten by the giant squid!" Peeves chattered discordantly.

"Oh shut up." Remus picked himself off the floor and dusted his arms, glaring all the while at a faded patch of carpet.

Peeves erupted into another giggle fit and chose this moment to hurl himself at the statues that lined the corridors sending splinters of marble and wood flying. The student body had by this point decided that Remus Lupin's misfortune was not as important as saving themselves. Students screeched and scattered in various directions, weaving away and ducking into empty classrooms. Remus, on the other hand, muttered a weary, _Protego_ and stood where he was.

The poltergeist eventually came to a stop but was still cackling incessantly. With translucent eyes he looked down at Remus and began to sing,

"_Oh Loopy Lupin, Loopy Lupin_

_The one we can't adore_

_Loopy Lupin, Loopy Lupin_

_Shame he's such a bore!"_

Remus did not even spare Peeves a glance or so much as a withering glance as he picked up his book bag and began to walk towards the library as he had been doing before he ran into the suit of armour. With all other students out of sight, and much to in love with his new song to stop, Peeves continued to follow Remus and sing. 'Loopy Lupin' had more than one verse but Remus managed to tune them out as he stalked through the corridors.

As he walked, Peeves' singing vaguely registering in his ears, Remus realised how tired he was. It was a tiredness caused not by lack of sleep, but a bony-weary tired. He put this down to the fact that it had been a long month and a half. Yet, this time it was not only the approaching full moon that was taking a hold of Remus. The Christmas Party had been especially taxing. Everyone had fished out dress robes or gowns of some description or – as with Lucius Malfoy – had their parents send them a new outfit. Remus winced at the memory of how beautiful Rachel had looked and how he had paled in comparison. The night had not been particularly eventful; he could not bring himself to dance as vigorously as James had (much to Lily's embarrassment). It was not surprising, therefore that the night had been not very memorable – not that he had expected it to be – and it was therefore not surprising that Rachel had not spoken to him since. Remus had not instigated conversation with her, partnered her in Divination or offered an apology. In some strange way – as things become clear after a storm – Remus came to realise that it was best that they both forgot that mess. Even so he felt a pang of guilt when he recalled the way her face fell when he declined he offer to dance and how she had slipped away with Hannah and some giggling Hufflepuffs.

Yet, through the haze and music of the memories, Remus pulled something else into the light. He saw, in his mind, Rachel walk away with Hannah towards the crowd of dancing students and then he remembered why there was something wrong with that picture. He remembered turning his head to see Sirius sitting beside him, swinging his feet, staring at his shiny black shoes and four-years-old again. Remus smiled because if Sirius was four again, it was like he was four too and that meant that none of this would have happened. He remembered Sirius lifting his grey eyes up to meet Remus' and Sirius gave him one of those smiles. Remus returned it and Sirius nudged their shoulders together.

Remus paused as he rounded the corner. Indeed the Christmas Party had been a disaster, but then of course there was Christmas itself. He began to descend the set of stairs before him. Most people had stayed for the party and then scarpered back home for Christmas day. The Marauders however, had decided to stay put. This was not unusual however. Sirius was no longer welcome at Grimmauld Place – Mrs Black had made that quite obvious in burning him off the family tapestry – and Peter's parents were having a romantic getaway so it was clear that this year was definitely a year to stay at the school. Nothing too out of the ordinary had occurred – the usual drinking, exchange of ridiculous (and in case of Sirius' gifts, raunchy) gifts. Remus was thankful for the new chess set and collection of books he had received from his friends but even still he could not feel the bubbly feeling he usually did when opening presents.

Now of course, Remus reminded himself as he skipped around some oncoming students, school was back in session and Hogwarts was once again brimming with training wizards and witches. As he walked he realised the cackling niggling at his ears had disappeared so Remus assumed Peeves had moved on to his next victim.

It was strange, Remus decided as he approached the library, there were but weeks between him and graduation and yet he still lacked all the direction he required. Another cause for concern. Remus was so deeply buried in his own thoughts that he didn't notice a boy pulling away from the table as he marched through the library. He tripped over the chair leg as it pushed in his path and for the second time that day he was sent sprawling. A few of the students in the present company had obviously been there for his previous display and fresh giggling was started. The Librarian, however, having no time for laughter was quick to chastise both the students and Remus before returning to her place behind the counter (not before chasing some of the rowdier students into the corridors first).

Pulling himself onto his knees Remus began piling his books back up again, pulling them into his chest as he did so. A pale hand passed a book towards him and Remus turned quickly as he spotted black hair in his peripheral vision. His eyes did not meet expected grey irises but rather dark ones flickering with curiosity. Remus jumped backwards and quickly brought himself to his feet. Snape, too, raised himself to his full height, which made his natural advantage over Remus obvious. Remus' eyes darted around and immediately took hold of the situation as he found himself looking at a smirking Lucius Malfoy sitting in the middle of a table surrounded by fellow Slytherins. However soon he was aware of something being pressed into his chest. Remus' eyes flickered back to Snape who had slipped the book he held onto the pile Remus had in his arms. The table behind Snape was bear except for the boy's own possessions and a glance at his chair pushed out from the table made Remus realise this was not Slytherin prank but an accident. He came to look at Snape again.

Snape was watching him patiently. Remus relaxed when he realised he wasn't going to be hexed. He opened his mouth to say something when he tensed at the sound of whispers from the Slytherin table. Snape had been hanging for Remus' words when he saw the other stiffen. The taller boy threw a scowl towards the Slytherin table and when this nothing but fuel the sniggering, Snape promptly collected his belongings and nodding at Remus to follow, lead the Gryffindor to a corner of the library.

The sniggering still chased Remus as he followed the boy that his best friends tormented towards the dustier, less touched shelves. Snape drew out two chairs and sat swiftly, robes carefully manoeuvring neatly as he did so. Remus watched hoping – with the half of his brain that hadn't exploded – that his mouth wasn't hanging open. Snape raised an eyebrow at him and swept his hand over the seat beside him. Remus had no choice and so he sat.

Snape scratched away at an assignment while Remus simply sat with the realisation that he was not capable to do any work at this moment. It was another string of minutes before the scratching of Snape's quill stopped.

"What's the matter Lupin?" Snape drawled, "Cat got your tongue?"

Remus snapped his head around to look at his unlikely companion. He quickly shook his stupor in favour for restoring his composure. His mouth quirked in an unconvincing smile and Snape raised his eyebrows only slightly.

"Nothing," said Remus. Snape raised his eyebrows and Remus' face broke into a genuine smile, "Well I mean apart from you dragging me to a secluded corner of the library, no, nothing."

Snape's face cracked into a smile. It was the most awkward thing Remus had ever seen, but even so he couldn't help broadening his own smile. He was sitting in the library, next to someone who was supposed to despise him and they were smiling. Remus grinned into his pile of books and after a moment looked up. His grinned faded as he saw Snape's stony expression. Apparently he was not exactly comfortable with the situation either. The silence that fell pickled the air and Remus felt he was the only one skilled enough to break it.

"Look, I," Remus began, scratching his shoulder, "Thanks for saving me. I mean, I haven't, I don't deserve it."

Snape straightened a little, Remus continued, "Sorry. For everything."

Remus moved to scratch his neck and slowly he raised his eyes to meet Snape's. The dark haired boy looked positively mystified. A myriad of conflicting emotions swirled across his face and Remus was aware that Snape's composure must have been slipping because he could read the other boy's confusion clearly. After a few moments of similar silence Snape nodded and then was suddenly interested in the book in front of him.

* * *

It wasn't everyday that Sirius walked into the library willing to learn. But it wasn't everyday that he saw Snivellus and Remus Lupin sitting at the same table and conversing. As soon as he saw his nemesis pull his best friend towards the back of the library Sirius had abandoned his quest to discover the subtler differences between fairies and doxies. If that wasn't enough to make his stomach churn, Remus was smiling and so was Snape. This was beyond surreal.

From his secure vantage point from behind the shelves holding books on magical creatures, Sirius watched them talk. He watched the awkward silence and gripped the bookshelf with white knuckles when the pair seemed to come to a mutual understanding. As they continued conversation, although stilted, Sirius bristled with contempt for the dark haired boy and was convinced that this level of rage was not uncommon and certainly was not anything like jealousy.

Sure, things between him and his best friend had been strained. The Christmas Party hadn't been fantastic. But, Christmas itself seemed okay. Sirius had told himself these things over and over but every time he did he could not wrench from within himself this overwhelming feeling of discomfort. No matter what he said or did, Remus was drifting away from him. Over the break, Remus had never avoided Sirius but they just didn't speak that much. James and Peter had withdrawn into their own worlds sensing the unease between their two friends.

His knuckles were still white even as Remus left Snape. Sirius stared at the empty seat that the boy had left. Soon after Snape walked out of the library and Sirius left too after a long moment of staring.

* * *

A wind rolled down over the snow-covered slopes that surrounded Hogwarts. It somersaulted through the forest and swept over the lake, which was now swept up and choppy. The wind ruffled Remus Lupin's hair as he balanced on top of a large boulder. Looking out over the blow out lake Remus lost himself in a childhood fantasy of being the captain of a tall ship. He raised his arms, feeling the wind buffet around his limbs and he was sure this is what flying felt like.

A hand on the middle of his back brought him away from his imagination and back into a quite crushing reality. His insides winced. As he brought his arms down he lowered his gaze to meet Snape's rather than the other's he had expected. He should have realised because the dark haired boy's touch was light and fleeting not possessive or firm. Snape lowered his eyes quickly, hand snapping back down to his side also.

Remus got down from his perch and looked inquiringly at the boy who stood a few inches taller than himself. After a moments internal struggle, Snape found the courage to meet Remus' gaze.

"Pardon my being forward," Snape spoke with articulation. Remus looked at his companion eyes wide, "I wanted to thank you for yesterday. I did not mean to seem rude but I was rather taken aback. I hope you understand."

A helpful Snape, A smiling Snape and now an apologising Snape. Remus was slightly agape and Snape shifted uncomfortably from the attention. Obviously he could deal with people attacking or insulting him but was not used to any sort of friendship. His manner was stiff and stilted like something drummed into him in childhood and yet Remus felt it was genuine.

"That's quite okay," Remus waved a hand. Before he caught himself, he was grinning like he hadn't in ages. He began to walk the lake's perimeter turning back only to catch Snape's eye.

The boy got the message and in a quick few strides he fell into step with Remus. The wind was still blowing with a mischievous fury and Remus' honey coloured hair was fluttering all over his face. He looked out over the lake again. There were some chunks of ice floating through it but not too many as the constant movement caused by the wind stopped large sections of ice from forming. It was still cold as you would expect from January but it hadn't snowed as much as other years and instead of being overcast the month so far had been windy. It was not particularly characteristic but Remus did not mind. His musings were stopped when he had to dislodge a stray hair from his mouth. Idly he wondered if Snape was suffering from the wind as he was. One look at his companion confirmed that he was suffering no less. Snape's mass of black hair, usually hanging in neat curtains about his face, was now blown into a shaggy mess. It reminded Remus of Sirius, except the nose that protruded from the mass of hair was decidedly roman – hooked.

Snape's head jerked to face Remus although still only his nose and a hint of black eyes were visible. Remus grinned again, knowing that it was stupid. The taller boy quickly brought a hand up to his face shading himself from Remus' gaze. The boy's face fell. Remus stopped walking and gently guided Snape's hand away from his face. When he looked into Snape's dark eyes he saw his own doubts and fears mirrored for him. Remus' heart sank back to where he had let sit for months. He began to walk again on his original path unaware that his companion, who walked beside him once more had shared a similar moment. In his internal battle, Snape had just lost.

They walked for some time without speaking and only the sound of the wind to break the silence. On finding a small clump of trees Remus slumped against one and allowed himself to fall into a sitting position, holding his knees into his chest. Snape sat beside him and mimicked his stance.

"What is it," Remus asked finally, "What is it that makes you feel like that?"

"People." Snape replied coldly but with none of it directed towards his companion. Remus was thankful that he did not play dumb or answer his question with ridiculous ambiguities.

He turned to Snape and in turn the other boy angled himself towards Remus. Remus spoke evenly, "How though?"

"They," Snape paused and twisted his fingers in the air, "They never bother to ask. They just assume. And taunt."

"People are just arseholes." Remus spat. He nudged Snape's shoulder but the boy shied away, frowning. Remus sighed softly.

Snape regained himself, "What about you?" He looked up at Remus, "What makes you feel like that?"

"Not knowing," Remus frowned realising as he talked his fists clenched, "Not understanding all these things that surround me. I have so many questions. I just don't understand anything anymore. Least of all myself."

Snape concentrated on making patterns by threading his fingers together. It did nothing to quell his curiosity. With caution he asked, "What sort of things?"

Remus laughed, "Just who I am."

Snape smirked at the irony. There was another silence but it held no awkwardness. There was simply nothing that could be said or needed to be said. It was all strange to Remus who thought that such an understanding could only be achieved by people who had known each other for years – like him and Sirius. He tensed at the thought. Snape noticed and inquired with a gaze.

Remus shook his head, "Just Sirius."

Now that was something that neither of the pair thought Remus would say. Remus cursed himself for bringing up a name of someone Snape was not on the best of terms with. There was also the fact that Remus was pouring his heart out – or about to – to someone who two days ago would not look twice at him. Remus did not know what all of this meant. He frowned.

"It's fine," Snape's sigh cut through Remus' thoughts bringing him to look at the other boy once more. Snape continued in his usual drawl, "I don't suppose many people listen to you either."

Remus nodded. He paused to gather his story and ask himself a final time if he had lost his mind, "Everything is weird between us."

There was a pause then, "Mmm?" Snape prompted.

"It was fine. Fine. Good even. We were great friends – all of us were."

"But?"

"I have no idea," Remus shook his head; it was a half truth, "We're just drifting apart. He's sees everything through eyes that think everyone adores him and he is so caught up with all those girls that follow him around, I don't think we can be together anymore."

Snape was intrigued by the phrasing but said nothing.

"But," Remus licked his lips and continued with rising frustration biting his words, "I can't exist without people around me. People who love me, you know, in that corny 'friends forever' type of way."

Snape considered, "Maybe you need new people."

Remus' scowl lifted. He swung himself around so he faced Snape front on. With slight hesitation, Snape mirrored him so that they sat cross-legged knees touching. Remus scrutinised the other boy. He was good at listening which was something Sirius never was and he wasn't an arse but an intellectual and he was lonely, just like Remus. He could see all of those things in Snape's eyes. Then again, Sirius had his smiles that lit up Remus' soul. He couldn't think of anything to say to explain to Snape everything that he felt even though he could see the other boy was dying for answers. Remus couldn't think of anything else to do so he reached out and took Snape's hand. The taller boy made a choking sound but did not pull back. Remus did not let go but waited for Snape's eyes to meet his. When they did Snape didn't pull his hand away. Instead, his fingers crept up his wrist running over his veins. Remus felt his breath hitch. He caught the boy's gaze and smiled. Snape however did not return the gesture but pulled away and hugged his knees.

Remus, shuffled forward so that he could, if he had wanted to, lean his chin against Snape's knees. He took the boy's hand again. Snape sat up straighter, bristling at their closeness. Being starved of such intimacy for so long Snape's excitement was bursting through his skin, even if his face didn't show it. He let his knees drop and he squeezed Remus' hand. The smaller boy was smiling and Snape couldn't really see why. Neither could he understand why he, himself, brought his lips to Remus' in that same moment. Snape almost jumped when he felt Remus push back against him, slowly moving his lips.

A spider-like hand came to rest hesitantly on Remus' cheek and little pinpricks of joy lit up in his brain. Kissing was better than he remembered it. Remus abruptly ended the kiss when he recalled the nothingness he had felt with Rachel. However he did not pull away but sighed against Snape's lips.

No sooner had he sighed when an apology tumbled from the very lips he had been kissing, "Sorry, I don't really – "

"No I'm sorry," Remus pulled back trying to impress on Snape that he was being completely earnest, "That was dumb."

He didn't want to have to try and explain to Snape what he could not grasp himself and Snape understood or at least he nodded. Remus didn't really know what he was thinking because he was staring at the snow blankly.

When Remus got up and walked back to the castle, Snape followed him but neither boy spoke a word.

* * *

Sirius stomped through the corridors half wishing to explode and half wishing he could explode something. The conversations he had had with Remus these past couple of weeks had been minimal at best. It was three whole days since Sirius had first seen his friend conversing with the enemy. Since then he hadn't seen them together but Sirius hadn't seen Remus at all and his overactive mind came to the conclusion that they were, obviously, plotting against him.

To try and forget about Remus, Sirius had done a number of things to keep himself amused. First off, he had tried playing Peter in Wizard Chess but the time Peter spent umming and 'ah'ing between each move enabled Sirius' mind to wander. Secondly, he had tried eating but he became too full too soon. Next their had been playing Quidditch with James but with all the high wind over the past couple of days that was made almost impossible. Finally he had tried wanking but the result there was so bad it was not worth a mention really.

Then again, that did lead to an interesting topic. Why was Sirius Black of all people going solo? Sirius made a mental pause, not too sure if he wanted to persist with this mental line of inquiry. In the end he reasoned it was better than thinking of certain traitors.

Hannah had not really been thrilled when Sirius – usually a party animal – had waved her off at the Christmas Party. She and Rachel had spent the whole evening dancing and – in between dancing – complaining about their respective boyfriends. To an untrained eye, they could have been just talking about the weather, but Sirius had learnt a thing or too dating as many girls as he had – and being a dickhead to as many girls as he had. Sirius was not an idiot. He knew when he was being a prick. Even so, he could not stop himself using girls; he _was_ using them; it was just who he was. He couldn't explain it. It was as if another part of him took over like he was running on arsehole autopilot. Anyway, it hurt Sirius as much as it hurt everybody else because he had to live with himself being an arsehole. Hannah didn't. She could just leave him and she did. Sirius knew it was going to happen so he was resigned to it. But Remus, Remus would never – could never – leave. He and Remus both knew that Sirius would be dead within the week without guidance from his friend – however minimal.

Sirius let out a strained bark of a laugh. Even when he thought about girls his mind wandered back to Remus. Merlin, he was insane.

But he couldn't help thinking about Remus. After all it was the full moon the following night and Sirius had to be there for that – he'd never forgive himself if he missed it. That restored some calm to Sirius because once again he would be doing his job – keeping Remus happy and out of harm. At this thought Sirius restrained a snarl as he cursed himself for letting Remus stray into Snape's clutches.

As Sirius muttered curses under his breath he stalked through the corridors with renewed passion. It was only after he arrived in the courtyard that Sirius realised he had let his feet have a mind of their own. The space was empty except an all to familiar figure buried in a book. Sirius' mind pulsated with a million evil things as he approached Snape grinning like a madman and fists balled.

"Oi, Snivellus!" Sirius sauntered up to the boy that dared to challenge his title of Remus-Lupin's-Best-Friend.

Snape turned around to face Sirius immediately wary, "Black," Snape spat.

"Enjoy the goo?" The Gryffindor asked with mock courtesy. Sirius' face split into a grin as Snape's brow furrowed at the inquiry.

"Where are you thugs Black?" Snape sneered, not dignifying Sirius' question with a response, "Surely the great James Potter would not miss an opportunity to make my life hell?"

"Shut up." Sirius retorted, fury boiling in his stomach and rising up his throat. Mentioning his friends was a dangerous territory and Snape knew this.

"Honestly Black," Snape drawled, "You better get your cronies otherwise people will start to think you fight fairly."

"Oh. Right." Sirius narrowed his eyes and bent over Snape. He could feel his hands shaking.. Through gritted teeth he tried to control the rage and hurt that was gnawing at him, "You want a fight? Fine. Tomorrow. Midnight. Shrieking Shack. Duel. Just you and me."

Snape laughed, "Fine. You don't stand a chance."

Snape pushed past Sirius with a final sneer. Everyone knew that Snape was a good dueller. Sirius, however, was in no mood to duel or to fight fair. This was revenge. And when revenge meant Snape being savaged by a werewolf at the full moon, so be it.

* * *

The whole building teetered and creaked with every step that he took. Snape swore that he had heard howls as he approached the Shrieking Shack. It was only after he had set out that he realised what a strange place Sirius had chosen for their duel. Snape supposed the choice was due to the fact there would be no teachers patrolling the area or poltergeists to discover them and make a ruckus.

Snape walked up the stairs, eyes scanning the walls, noticing the deep gouging claw marks on the walls. Any creature that made these marks must have been of great strength as well as size. He reached the top of the stairs and was studying a particularly long scratch when the hairs on his neck prickled. He turned to look down the corridor ahead of him.

At the end of the corridor was a wolf. Its hazel eyes fixed Snape. It stood drawing ragged breaths and flashing white teeth. Without space for Snape to draw breath it moved. The creature threw itself into the air, aiming to maul Snape who stood transfixed, wide-eyed in horror. The blood curdling mix between roar and howl was heard as it lunged at him. Snape crushed his eyes closed waited for the excruciating pain as its claws and teeth buried into his flesh.

There was a flash and a clatter and suddenly the wolf was slammed into the wall of the corridor, pinned between the antlers of a great stag. Snape's shock only heightened as the stag threw the wolf down the corridor. The creature snarled and snapped at the hoofed beast at its heels but the snorting stag herded the creature into a room. The form of the stag writhed so a second and then, before Snape, stood James Potter frantically shutting the door. He turned sharply to the horrified Snape.

"Get out of here," said Potter. Snape had never seen the flippant boy ever look as serious as he did now. His eyes pleaded with Snape to leave but that was not all. Snape could see some agony within his enemy and it made him pause.

"Now!" Potter urged. As if that wasn't enough to convince him the wolf howled and clawed at the door. Potter winced as the weight of the wolf pounded against the door and jarred his whole body.

Snape did not need telling a third time. He turned on his heel and ran until his lungs felt as though they would crawl out of his chest.

Only until Snape was in the safety of the Slytherin dormitory did he absorb everything that had happened. He remembered the creature he saw in the shack and how strange its eyes were; they did not fit savage nature of the creature at all. Through Snape's mind flicked images of Potter, the stag, the creature and finally he remembered Black's duel. Strings began to tighten and slowly Snape could see a woven picture being drawn into place. As he lay breathing heavily on his bed he finally saw the answer to one of his many questions but not the question he had really wanted to know.

* * *

When Remus woke up in the hospital bed he used so frequently it was known as his, he had expected to see his friends around him. For the first time in years Remus woke up that morning alone. He checked the hospital beds beside him with the upmost dread but found them empty. Panic began to rise in Remus as he began to believe he had done the unimaginable.

The sudden swinging open of the hospital wing door forced Remus to forget his woeful thoughts when he saw James. He was about to greet his friendly warmly when he saw the expression plastered on the boy's face. Remus' smile that had been spreading immediately dropped.

"Sirius is a fucking prick." James said bitterness lacing every word. Remus' face fell further and his stomach began to churn. James came to stand beside Remus' bed apparently unable to bring himself to sit down. Through clenched teeth he continued, "He challenged Snape to a duel and said he would meet him at the Shrieking Shack last night at midnight."

Remus' mouth dropped open. There were too many violent emotions coursing through him to formulate into words. In the end he could only string together two words, "Snape's okay?"

"Yeah." James said, "Barely though. Bloody hell."

There was a long silence. James stood there grinding his teeth and balling his fists. Remus leaned back against his pillows trying to isolate a shred of sense from everything that he had been told. If he hadn't known before, Remus was now sure that he knew nothing. Well, nothing except for one thing: Snape would never want to talk to him ever again.

"Why?" Remus asked finally a sigh lingering around his words.

"Revenge. Or some bullshit." James paused rolling his tongue then continued, "You know what he's going to do don't you?"

Remus nodded. Of course he knew. Sirius would throw himself at the foot of Remus' bed and beg for forgiveness. Remus knew that Sirius ran his life on blind impulse and this had been done out of spite towards Snape not any malice towards Remus. Yet, it would affect him if Snape chose to tell everyone, because it was obvious that someone as intelligent as Snape would have figured it out. But Sirius wouldn't think that far. He would have only thought of satisfying the pure urge that Snape had induced in him. Remus began to realise that he did indeed know more than one thing: he knew Sirius. But Remus also knew something else: no matter how hard he tried, he would always forgive Sirius Black because, Remus realised, he could never live without him.

* * *

**Author's Notes: I know what you're thinking.**

**Audience member: What the balls?! Snupin? I don't remember signing up for this shit!**

**Author: Okay, okay, I know colonbracket! I'm sorry! But please let me explain. I never thought that I would ever, ever write Snupin either because it obviously undermines the One True Pairing. Yet, as I wrote this chapter with the intention of Snape discovering Lupin's secret I had to consider a few things. Firstly, why would Sirius want to kill Snape? Sirius bullies Snape, but wanting to kill him takes it a bit far don't you think? Something has to spur him into insane rage. And when is Sirius at his most irrational? Why, when Remus is involved of course! A relationship – even a friendship as Sirius perceives it – between Snape and Remus would be enough, I believe, to make him lose it. Not convinced? Well good because now I have an excuse to tell you my second reason. If Snape hates Remus, why would he not tell the entire student body that he is a werewolf? Curious and curious-er. Obviously Snape has some connection with Remus that prevents him from disclosing anything (we know that no one else is aware of his condition because when Remus returns to Hogwarts as a teacher there would have been more of a concerned-mother-fest.). For a final touch, Remus has only really experienced romantic experiences with Rachel and Sirius so he needs more sexuality discovering time. He's only human and Snape is sexy. Okay, no, I joke, I joke. So there you go.**

**In other news, I've updated! Oh shit! Oh yes, the next chapter is being written, aren't I good? Actually, I've kept you waiting long enough to be considered Satan spawn so… sorry. But better late than never right? Please tell me what you think – better, worse, on crack, lies, spelling errors? Okay I'll just get writing.**


	7. Deceptive Appearances

**Chapter 7: Deceptive Appearances**

**Post-Hogwarts**

To not live without someone and to live with someone are not necessarily part of the same wish. However, that was how it turned out for Remus Lupin who three months after graduating from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry found himself living with Sirius Black.

'These things happen' was the general response Remus got when he told people who his flatmate was. They said it in a tone you might use to comfort someone when their cat died. Indeed, when Remus questioned them about it, people in general seemed to think that living with Sirius was equal to a death of some sorts. James had of course been the most sorry for Remus' loss and had eloquently explained that sharing Hogwarts with the boy should have been enough.

"Remus Lupin, you are a masochist." James shook his head with that sorry-about-your-cat tone dripping from every word, "Why, dear Merlin's beard, would you want to _share_ with _it_?"

Remus simply smiled at James who was flailing his arms in extravagant gestures, "I mean, come on, you could have got an owl or rat or something that was hygienic."

James sighed throwing his hands up in defeat as Remus laughed at his friend's display. The other patrons of the Muggle coffee shop were less amused by the antics of the young men and fired them many disapproving looks.

"I don't know Prongs," Remus said wistfully when he recovered, "It's not like I want to stay at home anymore and I doubt that you and Lily would take me in."

Remus raised his eyebrows in suggestion and immediately James was stony faced, "Oh no Moony, you are right. Sirius is a perfect choice. Perfect."

Light laughter issued from Remus' throat as he noted the way James' knuckles had gone white where he was holding his coffee cup. The news that James and Lily had moved in together was both surprising and not simultaneously. Not surprisingly there was James Potter in the red corner, who would stop at nothing until Lily and he were happily married. In the gold corner, however, Lily, with her superior reasoning was not likely to jump into anything so hasty as moving in with her boyfriend from Hogwarts. If Remus had been a betting man he would have lost money that day, because it seemed that Lily had agreed to live with James. Whether it was due to brute force or not was still in the hands of the referee. In any case, they were happy and that in turn made Remus happy. The freedom of no longer being tied down to school had allowed James to shine. All he seemed to do nowadays was beam at people with a smile so bright it could have been mistaken (if you were a Muggle or familiar with their ways) for industrial strength lighting.

That of course was an exaggeration because that was not all James did. Over the past few months a storm had started to fill the skies of the wizarding world. Nothing much had been said about it publically and certainly the Ministry wasn't doing anything about the mysterious disappearances that were becoming more frequent. James however was not convinced that everything was absolutely peachy. Severus Snape had been working in a small potion shop off Diagon Alley. James had been watching the boy closely as he had been trying to make an apology for Sirius' actions the previous year. However, one day Snape had disappeared. It was at this point that all these strange occurrences came home to James and at a time such as that what could one do but join a vigilante group? And that was how the Marauders became members of the Order of the Phoenix.

James huffed and Remus was brought away from his musings. His companion ran a hand through messy black hair and frowned, "I haven't heard from Pete in awhile."

"Me neither," Remus tapped his chin pensively, "Last time I saw him was when he was preparing to take a trip to Inverness"

Inverness is located in northern Scotland and had recently been overlooked by many people as, well, it was in Scotland. The death that had occurred in Inverness had sparked curiosity in the place. To the Muggle world it had been a mystery – corpse of elderly woman found without any signs as to her cause of death. It hadn't made more than a local headline in which the police asked for information but it had struck Remus as curious. The woman murdered was a witch and part of a group publically against the discrimination of Muggle-borns. The Order had dispatched Peter and Arabella Figg (posing as mother and son) to investigate the death as many of the mysterious murders over the past months were connected to those protecting Muggles or Muggle-borns. As a half-blood, Remus was familiar with things such as television and Muggle news so it was natural that the Order chose him for Muggle intelligence. Arabella Figg was also part of Muggle intelligence for her knowledge of them (and being a squib she could not fight) and Peter was also familiar with Muggle ways as he, like Remus, was a half-blood. Sirius and James on the other hand were rather useless with Muggle things so they were occupied with wizarding reconnaissance.

Peter had been gone a little over a week and the Order members were becoming anxious for news. Eternally impatient James was particularly concerned. Peter was not – in the opinions of many - the best person to send on missions but he was a dear friend to James. The messy haired man had even been known to take quite a few swipes at Sirius who often spouted that Peter was good-for-nothing.

"Well," James drummed the table with his fingers, "He better be back soon."

"He will be," Remus said, exuding calm from his every pore, "everything will be fine."

* * *

Sirius was having sex. Remus could hear it through the apparently paper thin walls of the apartment as well as the pillow over his head. The rogue could have at least used a Silencing Charm, but no, of course not, Moony would just have to suffer. He had tried practically everything to block out the sound, but he was getting tired and it was late.

All the girl did was moan. It was really gross. Remus probably would have liked the sound if it weren't his _best friend_ inducing those sounds in _that_ girl, one paper-thin wall away. But it was, so he didn't. Remus knew the apartment wasn't the best – paint peeled off the walls in places and the shower was a bit mildewy – but at least he had hoped for some soundproofing.

Then again, beggars couldn't be choosers. As a full time member of the Order of the Phoenix, Remus couldn't have much more than a part time job and these jobs ended abruptly usually due to his 'furry little problem'. It was because of these factors that Remus was at the mercy of James' trust fund. Sirius was always trying to pay for Remus to go places with him but the truth was Sirius was only doing slightly better than himself. Being cut off from the Black family meant that he lost access to the Black fortune. At the moment Sirius was running on his Uncle Alphard's money he had left Sirius. Alphard had been burnt of the family tapestry for this little incident and Remus wasn't sure if it was worth it because Sirius spent his money on silly things like flying motorcycles.

There was another yelp of pleasure from the next room. Okay, flying motorcycles may be silly but they definitely did get girls.

Remus flushed violently as he heard a very masculine moan. He crushed his eyes shut and tried to ignore the lump in his throat. When it came again, he couldn't help but push his head back into the pillow, clawing at the sheets with his hands and picture Sirius' weight on himself. It was stupid and ridiculous and immediately guilt was running through his body as he felt blood rushing to his groin.

Determined not to give in to any urges Remus smothered himself with his pillow. More moaning floated into his ears. It was going to be a long night.

* * *

"It was the killing curse that did it," Peter's voice was rough around the edges, "But I think there were some other minor curses and hexes used for – um - torture."

"Nothing that a Muggle could detect," Mrs. Figg added quickly, "But you can feel the residual magic rolling off the place."

There was silence among the order members as the listen to this new information. Remus was not sure exactly what this meant but one glance at Albus Dumbledore and he knew that it could not be good. It was not until Remus had left school that he had much to do with the Head Master of Hogwarts. When the professor had been so understanding about his condition, Remus had decided it was best to stay out of the Head Master's way as much as possible out of respect. Of course that did not stop him landing in a few detentions but Sirius and James always managed to out-shine him in that department. Remus considered getting to know the great man a privilege – even if it was in such unsettling times. The man's expression was so far from his usual cheerfulness that a lump wedged its way into Remus' throat.

"Thank you," Dumbledore said evenly and motioned for Peter and Mrs. Figg to sit down, "Mr. Black and Mr. Potter, has there been any news?"

To Remus' immediate left, Sirius rose swiftly to his feet. Beside him James rose, but with more deliberation and Remus noticed a shadow flicked across James' face.

"There has." Sirius began, eyes roving around the room to ensure he had an audience, "Last week a group of Muggles were attacked not too far from Godric's Hollow, which you are all aware of. Now since the area has a high magical population and with people being more wary -"

"In short," James interrupted, not even sparing Sirius a glance, "Multiple people witnessed the event and all saw a group of wizards or witches dressed in black robes with masks over their faces apparate to the hall and go inside. Screams were heard after a few minutes and then the same group exited the hall and disapparated."

The room became silent and still with this new information. Suddenly a man at the opposite end of the table to Remus stirred and rose to his feet.

"I don't see why we just can't set some sort of trap. It's obvious that these swine are targeting Muggles. If we just made some big gathering of Muggles we could lure them out."

Presently, Dumbledore's eyes were glazed with thought. There was a long pause as the members of the Order waited for their leader to speak and when he did it was almost with reluctance.

"I fear Alastor that these individuals are acting under intelligent orders and would not so easily fall for a such a trick."

The corner of Alastor Moody's mouth twitched at Dumbledore's words. His magical eye that usually spun furiously came to rest, seemingly boring into the table. After a moment he sat down. Moody was an Auror for the Ministry and was a powerful wizard in his own right but he was an action man and the months of careful planning and intelligence gathering were becoming tedious for him. Dumbledore, spoke slightly louder and with more clarity as if he knew the minds of his colleagues were wandering.

"However, your plan itself has merit," Dumbledore said to Moody before addressing the rest of the Order, "Remus, would you mind informing us on what you have found?"

Remus was slightly surprised that he had been asked to address the group. He had already told Dumbledore his idea in private and believed that the man would simply tell it to the Order himself. Then again, Remus thought as he rose to his feet, this was no ordinary man.

"Well," Remus began feeling out of place. He had no intention of making it seem as though he was besting Moody's plan – the man after all was a brilliant Auror and Remus was barely an adult, "There's a large horse race being held in a few weeks on the twenty-fourth of September. The St Leger Stakes is very popular with Muggles – it's part of the Triple Crown of Racing - and so there will be a large attendance. The dark wizards and witches will not be able to resist such an opportunity so if we defend the area its likely will be able to confront them."

Remus glanced around the room and saw people nodding slowly. He felt a nudge in his side and he glanced down to see Sirius giving him a thumbs up.

"I believe that Remus' plan would be affective," Dumbledore said and was greeted by a chorus of agreement. The wizard clapped his hands together, "Excellent. We will begin planning."

* * *

Remus was lying on his sofa reading Moody's battered copy of _Know Your Impossible Ancient Magic_ when he found himself being crushed.

"Moo-ny," Sirius crooned in his ear.

"Wha-at?" Remus didn't even look up. He knew that Sirius would be there with his 'irresistible' face on. At the lack of attention his was receiving Sirius buried his head into Remus' neck. Remus grumbled as Sirius warmed breath tickled him and hissed when Sirius began flicking the pages of his book. Discarding the tome, Remus swivelled to face Sirius. Immediately he regretted this because Sirius was directly on top of him. He squashed down the embarrassment that was already painting his cheeks and folded his arms, "What is it?"

"Nothing," Sirius' grin was splitting his face, "Just admiring the wildlife."

In response to the comment, Remus shoved Sirius in the chest who simply waggled his eyebrows. Remus gave a huff when he couldn't make Sirius the slightest bit remorseful for his comment and so punched his friend in the shoulder. Sirius cried out shrilly.

"Moony!" He cried, voice theatrical, "My shoulder! You've broken it!"

Remus frowned, "Serves you right, you git."

Sirius began to wiggle in an attempt to appear writhing in agony, "Oh the pain!"

This would have made Remus laugh had Sirius not been sitting where he was or wiggling so much. As it was, Sirius was squirming in his lap and Remus' blush was deepening. His tongue was hurting quite badly as well, but that's because he had buried his teeth in it to prevent certain sounds escaping his lips. Sirius seemed to notice the lack of verbal comment on his actions and so he peered down at Remus who was looking rather stupid teeth clenched and face tomato red.

Sirius cocked his head to the side for a moment, unsure. Gears in his head started to click over and slowly a Cheshire-Cat-worthy grin swallowed his face. That did not make Remus any less nervous. In fact, his heart was just about to fly out of his rib cage and bounce across the apartment. Sirius threw his head back and shaded his eyes with the back of his hand.

"Oh Moony," He cried, mock-breathless, "Take me now!"

The lump in Remus' throat was now the size of a small planet. Sirius leaned in, propping himself up on his forearms either side of Remus' head. The larger boy drew in Remus' wide eyes and how he was trying to cover it with a scowl. Sirius thrust his hips into the other boy's pelvis and watched the eyes pop out of his skull. He giggled as Remus practically spat out his breath of air.

"Shove off Sirius," Remus managed, trying not to sound too aroused.

Sirius opened his mouth as if he was about to say something then he promptly shut it. He tilted his head to the side and scrutinized the very embarrassed Remus Lupin for a moment before climbing off his friend with a laughed.

"Oh, Moony, Moony, Moony." He said sounding chuffed as he swaggered away.

Remus scowled at the retreating back of his friend. Aware of himself he quickly pulled a pillow and held it in his lap. Sometimes he thought that people were definitely right about Sirius Black.

* * *

Remus' plan hinged on the fact that the Order of the Phoenix was still unknown to the enemy. The Order had been working as surreptitiously as possible to avoid detection and thus had not spoken to the Ministry or press about their findings. It was no surprise that when the 24th came around and the Order arrived at Doncaster Racecourse there was nothing more than Muggle security guards and some course officials to oversee the event.

If however, the plan failed, then the Order would be outed and a second attempt was unlikely. The races took place during the day and Remus was also sceptical about whether an attack would be made because of this.

Nevertheless, the plan had been well throughout. Remus and Peter had bought tickets and instructed inconspicuous-looking members of the Order in the art of placing bets and the finer points of horse racing. These members of the order would be positioned at various points in the stands while those in the Order who stuck out like sore thumbs – Dumbledore and Moody to name two – guarded the entrance under Disillusionment Charms. James had given Dumbledore his Invisibility Cloak as it was more effective than the charms as he himself was normal-looking enough to be a spectator. Sirius, as Padfoot, was supposed to be mingling through the crowd also however he had been so excited that he had arrived at the track hours before any spectators and had slunk around the stables.

Naturally, Remus had given Sirius strict instructions but he had, of course, not followed them. No one in the Order new Sirius' specific role as his Animagi status was still unknown and Sirius liked it that way. Remus was in the grandstand flanked on one side by a loud obnoxious racegoer and on the other by an exceedingly large woman who took up her own seat and half of Remus'. A couple of races had been run already and Remus feared that the plan was going to fail. Another group of horses ran past the finishing post and the obnoxious man got up and began spouting jeers and expletives. Apparently his horse had not won. Remus' eyes wandered around the stand and he saw a few seats in front of himself Peter and James who were cheering. James was perhaps a little too enthusiastic in doing a victory dance and was given some critical glances. Remus was about to give up and start dancing himself when he heard a bark over the hum of noise. Immediately he was on his feet and following the black dog into a bathroom. Remus slipped into a cubicle, thankful the bathroom was empty and watched as Padfoot's form writhed and after a second Sirius was standing beside him in the cramped space.

Finding his wand with some difficulty as he was squashed up against Sirius, Remus cast a silencing charm, "What?"

Sirius' was practically vibrating with energy and he was fully prepared to tease Remus until he burst. He quickly caved however seeing the tension gripping his friend's face, "The horses are all jumpy."

"They are Thoroughbreds, Sirius, of course they're jumpy." Remus hissed despite the fact that no one could hear them through the charm. Sirius gave him a very blank look and Remus sighed, "Racehorses are just like that."

"Oh," Sirius looked a little disheartened, "But I heard one of the Muggles who was looking after the horse say that the horses were acting spooky or something. Their eyes were all wide Moony it was weird."

"Well if – "

Remus' words weren't finished as at that moment a shriek cut through the air. Within seconds Sirius was a dog again and Remus threw the cubicle door open and was running back to the stands. Muggles were ducking for cover, screaming and wailing. James and Peter were on their seats casting protective spells as figures in black threw wave after wave of curses at the wizards. Remus had little time to draw wand before he was ducking a curse marking the wall where his head had been.

He cast a protective charm while firing the first hexes that came to his mind. He had not noticed Padfoot slip away until Sirius was at his side fighting shoulder to shoulder with him. A curse flew so close to his face it singed his cheek. The masks the figures wore where blank and haunting. Their robes billowed with each cast. Remus clenched his teeth together as they blocked his every spell. He had to calm himself. He jumped sideways as a searing white bolt hurtled towards him. He needed wordless magic and for that he needed to concentrate. Remus steadied himself and thought, _Petrificus Totalus!_

The masked wizard was hit square in the chest. He stiffened and fell into the stands, head slamming into the edge of a chair. Remus rushed forward weaving to avoid spells flying through the air. He reached the paralysed figure and with another spell ropes burst from the tip of his wand and bound its hands and feet. Remus plucked the wand from the masked figure's hands. Glancing behind himself he saw Sirius still at his side, casting defensive spells. Remus told himself to concentrate and not grin like an idiot. He got to his feet and cast some hexes at the figure attacking Sirius who was holding his protection spell well but was slowly weakening. Remus quickly surveyed the scene as he fought the way Moody had trained them to do.

Lily's face was contorted into a grimace as she fought off three of the masked figures. The Muggles had scattered and the stands were almost empty. Across the track, Moody was back to back with another man ducking, diving and rolling all while pushing his attackers back towards the track. Remus did not recognise the man but knew the robes – he was an Auror. Mood had called the Ministry. Remus swelled with relief. It was short lived as a spell sliced his robes. In the centre of the race track itself stood Dumbledore. Fire was bellowing from his wand and tangling with the magic of another with ale green energy pouring from his wand. It was entrancing to watch, the battle power between the two. For Dumbledore to struggle something was wrong.

"Remus!"

Remus snapped back to reality, cursing himself, and looked at the direction of the call. Sirius had paralysed and bound another masked figure. Remus levitated his own captive and joined Sirius. A little beyond them, Remus saw James and Peter still fighting figures who evaded all of their attacks. Aurors were dragging some of the figures away, while in Dumbledore was still locked in combat with his foe. Remus frowned. Dumbledore's casting actions were not sharp. He was almost… hesitant.

A surge of queasiness lapped in his stomach. Remus rounded on his captive and reanimated him. The body struggled and writhed into freedom again. Remus ripped the mask from the figure's face. He drew in the feature of the man in a breath. Remus froze, teeth clenched.

"Crabbe"

The man, who had only a few years ago had been at the same school as Remus, glared up at him with ugly, screwed up eyes and yellowing teeth flashing. It took great self-control for Remus to reign in is his urge to kill the man before him. Behind him he heard a dark chuckle. Not wanting to move his eyes from Crabbe he looked in Sirius' direction from his peripherals. His friend had reanimated his captive also.

"Still fighting together?" Sirius sneered down at the body, "Never could go anywhere without Crabbe could you Goyle?"

"Shut up blood traitor!" hissed Goyle thickly as though he had a swollen lip. Remus decided it was not unlikely.

Suddenly there was a screech that tore the particles in the air. Crabbe and Goyle both went rigid, eyes widening at the sound. With renewed fury they began to struggle and Sirius and Remus were quickly on their feet wands at the ready.

"DEATH EATERS, FALL BACK!"

The cry came form one of the figures James and Peter had been duelling. The harsh, guttural nature of the voice made Remus flinch. It was enough for someone to throw him backwards with a curse and without protection, Crabbe was sent free. Remus felt Crabbe's wand being ripped from his pocket. Remus' head spun from being slammed into the row of seats but he could still see a blurry vision of Sirius being fought back and Crabbe and Goyle getting to their feet. Their were shrieks of mirthless laughter as the monsters who called themselves Death Eaters apparated away leaving only the Order, Aurors and scattered Muggles corpses behind.

* * *

Scott Holland loved the races not because he loved horses but because he loved betting. Horses, anyone would admit, were fine animals and one might even go so far to say they were animals of beauty. But when it cam to real beauty, in Scott's mind, not even a super model could compare to a humble pound. Money was after all - as Scott told his patient wife and children – the defining factor of civilisation.

He had been greatly annoyed, therefore when the main event of yesterday's meeting at Doncaster was abandoned after being shot at by strange people with very thin laser guns. Scot had never cared much for science fiction and this was proof of it. He was understandably annoyed therefore, when not only had his race been interrupted but also a day later he was called from watching the greyhounds on television to answer the door.

The shrill doorbell penetrated his ears like the buzzing of a nasty fly. With a huff Scott pulled himself up from his armchair marched to the door, shoulders back and prepared to show his caller his dangerously flaring nostrils. When he flung the door open two young men he had never seen before greeted him. Immediately he frowned because that is what you do when see grinning young men on your doorstep and you are a middle-aged balding, man who has a pretty teenage daughter.

"What do you want?" Scott grunted.

"Hello, sir," said the boy on the left. He had atrociously messy black hair, thick glasses and a stupid grin on his mug. The lines on Scott's forehead deepened.

"I'm not interested in what you're selling." Scott made to slam the door in their faces when the boy on the right stuck his hand out preventing the door from moving.

"We're with the police." He said seriously. He was taller than the messy haired boy beside him who was nodding vigorously in agreement. His hair was long and brushing his shoulders and there was something about his eyes that Scott didn't like.

"Oh yeah," Scott folded his arms. He looked the boys up and down. They were both wearing jeans and heavy coats, "Why aren't you in uniform then eh?"

"Special agents." The longhaired menace said, "Anyway we're here to ask questions about the St Leger Meeting yesterday."

Scott paused, which he shouldn't have because the other boy leapt in, "Yeah, that's right, how much do you remember?"

"Not much," Scott said gruffly arms still folded, "Just some berks appearing out of bloody no where and all this bloody _Star Wars_ shit."

The two boys exchanged a glance, which had Scott a little mystified. It almost looked like they didn't know what _Star Wars_ was. The boy on the left straightened and turned towards him.

"Ah, yes, well," He cleared his throat and then looked for backup.

"Yeah so, if you don't mind," The long-haired boy said with forced niceness, "Could you just look at this?"

Scott looked at the twig that was thrust in his face. It was long, slender and polished. Why would anyone want to polish a twig?

"Just so we're clear," the longhaired boy said, "Yesterday when you went to St Leger's everything was fine, all the races went smoothly and it was just a normal day."

"Okay," Scott said airily. Suddenly the two young men in front of him were sensible and reasonable individuals and the more he thought about it the more he remembered that yesterday had been a good day. Something pushed its way forward into his mind, "Hang on a tick, I must be getting forgetful. Tell me, who won the stakes?"

The was a pause, "Oh," and then rustling of paper, "Um… Julio Mariner."

"Oh good," Scott smiled, "means I won something."

"Well thank you for your time," The boy on the left said puffing up with authority as he did so, "Have a nice day."

Scott smiled giddily for the last time before nodding and going back inside to slump once more in from of the television. He couldn't remember why he was annoyed – those young men had been so nice.

Outside, James turned to Sirius as they walked away from the Holland household, "What the hell is _Star Wars_?"

"Dunno," Sirius shrugged, "Moony left that part out."

James sighed and tucked the Form Guide back into his pocket.


	8. The Serpent and The Apple

**Chapter 8: The Serpent and The Apple**

"Go, go, go!"

James' yell, followed closely by the green bolt of a Killing Curse, cut through the still night air. Remus started the engine on Sirius' motorcycle. He waited just long enough to see Lily and James climb aboard the brooms he had kept levitating for them and to feel Sirius throw his arms around his waist. Remus kicked off and the motorcycle took off down the road, negotiating the tight twists in the road with ease. Once they had put some kilometres between them and the dilapidated mansion, Remus heard Sirius howl with laughter.

"Went that well?" Remus shouted over the roar of the wind that whipped past them. He couldn't help but crack a smile at his friend's laughter. Sirius squeezed him tightly.

"It was great," Sirius shouted in Remus' ear, "The wards weren't even that crash hot. We were throwing hexes like no tomorrow!"

Remus' smile broadened. Sirius continued, "They had all these supplies down there too, which we took care of. Looks like they were making all these defensive potions as well as poisons. Oh! And man did they have a load of Pepper Up Potions! It was like a farm down there!"

"Pharmacy." Remus corrected, still laughing.

Just as Remus pulled the motorcycle out of a bend, Lily swooped her broom down to ride level with them. Remus kept his eyes focused on the road, trusting Sirius to communicate.

"Looks like we're clear," Lily said sounding strained over the rushing air, "They must've followed Peter's group."

The attack on the Death Eater warehouse had been done with two parties coming from opposite sides of the large, abandoned house that Voldemort was using to create and store supplies. First, there was Moody, the Longbottoms, Hagrid and Peter who came in on the west side attacking heavily. While they drew the fire, Sirius, James and Lily broke in from the east and decimated the supplies. It was only a sabotage mission, but Sirius and James were proud of their plan, having gathered all the intelligence for it. Remus was happy for them but disappointed he couldn't have taken part in it himself. It was only a few days after the full moon and despite his protests that he was fine, Sirius said he couldn't risk it. As consolation, Remus was allowed to drive Sirius' motorbike, which had made Remus grin, and James fume with jealousy.

"Still meeting at the apparation point?" Sirius asked loudly, dismissing Remus' thoughts.

"Yeah," Lily managed, red hair battering her face, "The bridge. James and I will fly around for a bit in case we have any unwanted guests."

Sirius chuckled at the misfortune that lay ahead of any Death Eater trying to cross Lily Evans. Lily responded evenly, her words not betraying anything, "Meet you there."

"Alright!" Sirius roared as Lily banked and shot off over a field.

Sirius gave another laugh and buried his head into Remus' neck. The tickling of young man's hair would have caused a lesser person to swerve off the road, but Remus kept his composure.

"We rock!" Sirius exclaimed into his friend's neck, "We rock harder than the love child of Bowie and Hendricks."

Remus laughed, "I rue the day Pete introduced you to MTV."

There were a few more minutes of giggle fits and Remus using all his strength to focus on the road ahead before they reach the apparation point. The little bridge was originally made of stony but recently reinforced with steel and it looked like one of those bridges that a troll might hide under – if you were thinking like a Muggle.

Both boys dismounted the bike and Remus unzipped his jacket to pull out the Invisibility Cloak. He threw it over the bike before motioning to Sirius to follow him under the bridge. The two sat in silence, both knowing that the orders had been strict: for Merlin's sake shut up and wait.

It was not too long before Lily came into land on one side of the bridge and James on the other. On seeing each other the couple smiled and embraced, careful not to step on their friends as they did so. Remus could not help but smile at the exchange. After years of messing around they were finally engaged. Remus spared a glance at Sirius who was grinning like a madman. He, of course, had been chosen as James' best man which had made Sirius the happiest git in all of England – well, second only to James. Remus was happy for some celebration in amongst all the hardship. Tonight had been a success but there were other nights that had not gone as well. The Death Eaters were relentless in their attacks on the Muggles but they had also turned their attention towards the Order

The Death Eaters were lead by a man, who was more monster than human, who called himself Lord Voldemort. It was clear to anyone who had witnessed his crimes that he was a pureblood extremist who wanted to destroy Muggles and Muggle-borns alike. Purebloods had always been elitist and in ancient days there was animosity towards those who were not of magical decent but in modern times such hell-bent genocide was unthinkable. Until Voldemort that is. Many people had come to calling him, "He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named" but, in the end, Remus decided, that he was still a human and he could die, just like anyone else.

Remus hadn't realised his fists were clenched and his jaw clamped shut until Sirius rattled his shoulder. The dark haired man raised a questioning eyebrow. Remus shook his head but instead of leaving him be, Sirius tugged Remus towards him in a hug. Glancing up he noticed that Lily and James were having a conversation in sign language. Remus mused that it would be good to find your soul mate. Sirius scratched the back of his base of his neck and Remus smiled up at his friend.

The moment was interrupted as large crunching foot steps were heard. The four under the bridge turned to see a large face buried within large amounts of facial hair peering in at them. Rubeus Hagrid looked as though he was about to give them a loud and friendly greeting when Lily shot him a warning look. Sheepishly and without a word the man joined them where they hid. Following on Hagrid's heels came Frank and Alice Longbottom, trying to conceal smiles of triumph.

Everyone - except Lily who had impeccable self-control – was bursting to recount their own events of the evening. Each seemed to Remus' eyes to be encouraged by the fact that the others were also in high spirits.

Despite this it was some time before a swaggering and slightly breathless Alastor Moody ducked under the bridge. Moody's face was characteristically blank but his magical eye, possessed with energy, spun wildly in its socket. Peter slipped in after Moody looking very coy, smiling stiffly and rubbing his hands together. James clapped him on the back as he came close making Peter jump. Remus smiled at Peter who returned it, albeit weakly, which Remus put it down to stress.

Moody did a quick head count before nodding. Hagrid gave Remus and Sirius a glance to which Remus jerked his head in the direction of the concealed motorcycle. Hagrid nodded in understanding. The members of the Order split into pairs. Remus held Sirius' arm lightly only to have the man pull him firmly against his side. Moody nodded again and almost immediately Remus felt the awkward, stomach churning feeling of apparation. Luckily – as was the case with apparation – it didn't last to long. On coming to his senses, Remus found himself outside the Hogs Head pub. He blinked for a second or two, not entirely sure he was in the right place. It was only as Sirius raised his wand and muttered the password that he realised he must indeed be outside the Hogs Head. The pub was not immediately recognisable as they were out the back not the front of the place. Remus internally scolded himself, it was obvious they couldn't just waltz in the front door - these operations weren't exactly legal.

Beside them Lily and James appeared and almost simultaneous to their reappearance, Remus became aware he was still gripping Sirius arm. He let go, trying to curb his embarrassment by staring at the ground. He hoped that with his rather long hair across his face no one would notice anything. A hand wrapping around his upper arm had his head jerking up again, but instead of Sirius he saw James with a patronisingly, gentle look about him. Remus prepared a retort, which was never used as James yanked him through the opening that had appeared in the wall. As he past the threshold, Remus was brutally aware of the pub's characteristic musty, stale beer smell. He bit his tongue. It was only as James pulled him into a chair that he realised they were not in the main body of the pub but a dining room of sorts. The walls were covered with yellowing wallpaper that Remus suspected had once been white with blue fleur-de-lis with everything else in the room – save the dark polished wood of the furniture – following this colour scheme. The only break in the wall was a smaller-than-average door in the wall opposite Remus.

"Good evening everyone," Remus nearly jumped out of his skin at the sound of the voice. Looking down the table he saw at its head Dumbledore, fingers tented and looking the definition of tranquillity. Remus' initial surprise transformed to joy at the sight of the Headmaster of Hogwarts. Dumbledore had been on one of his mysterious bouts of leave and thus no one had seen him for months. Presently, the man looked up and Remus followed his gaze to watch the other members of the Order file in. Once they were seated Dumbledore continued, "Or am I pressuptuious?"

"Everything went swimmingly," Sirius' reply jumped into the silence and because of it the Order members were once again grinning. Sirius was definitely grinning the widest and Remus could not help but mirror him when he took in his friend's shaggy black hair and rumpled t-shirt that accompanied his brilliant smile. Dumbledore gave a nod, satisfied.

"Excellent!" He said brightly, eyes sparkling, "Perhaps then I can tempt you with tea and scones then?"

From a table behind Dumbledore two trays - one bearing an ornate blue and white teapot with matching cups and the other weighed down with scones and pots of jam and cream – levitated their way onto the table. The refreshments were met with a chorus of praise and 'thanks you's. Remus dived in trying his best to retrive a scone without landing someone's elbow in his face. Beside him, he noticed, Sirius was facing similar difficulties. He could not help but grin at the similarity the situation bore to meals in the Great Hall. There were some minutes in which all that could be heard was the gulping down of tea and munching. Dumbledore chewed thoughtfully on his own piece of scone that was covered with a thick layer of apricot jam. It was at this point that the small door opened, and through it stepped a man with piercing blue eyes. Had Dumbledore not been sitting at the table with him, Remus could have believed it was not Aberforth that had entered the room. Aberforth did a quick scan of the room and narrowed his eyes in such a way that Remus abandoned all thoughts of him being mistaken for his brother.

Dumbledore smiled, "Good evening Aberforth. Please join us," he guestured to an empty seat with a bony hand, "Thank you very much for playing host this evening."

Aberforth did not sit immediately, but seemed to waver in indecision before coming to the conclusion he had no choice in the matter. Remus noticed the slight scowl that lingered on the man's face. Dumbledore was unpeterbed by his brother, acting as though he did not notice his hesitation. He spoke without giving Aberforth so much as a sideways glance, "Perhaps now would be the time to get down to business, as it were."

"Hagrid's not here," grunted Moody who was seated down the other end of the table to Dumbledore, somewhere to Remus' right.

"That is true," Dumbledore said wistfully, "However I will personally bring him up to speed with whatever we say here. After all, he has a long flight ahead of him."

There were murmurs of agreement as the gathering processed Dumbledore's reasoning. A flicker of guilt stung Remus as he considered the difficult task Hagrid had been given. It had been a few seconds of discomfort for the rest of them but Hagrid had to fly a few good hours before he could make it to Hogsmead. Then again, Remus thought, if anyone was up to the job, it was Hagrid. Dumbledore trusted the man with his life – or at least the Hogwarts grounds – so he deserved great respect. The whole Order did indeed revere Hagrid as they did as they did any other member but Remus had always admired the man as a fellow outcast. Of course, the Order of the Phoenix were a group of vigilantes but even Sirius, rejected by his family, could fit back into society if he wanted. Half-giant Hagrid and Remus the werewolf did not have this luxury. As if he was reading his bitter thoughts, Sirius held Remus' hand under the table.

"Now," Dumbledore began again, eyes moving to rest on each of the Order members as he spoke, "If there are no more objections?"

His eyes continued to move from each of them. Remus' heart rattled as Dumbledore's eyes lingered on him. Dumbledore's eye contact always drew people into the conversation as if they were equal to the great man and usually Remus was thankful for this. Yet, the way the man's eyes rested on him now and the way they sparkled, it was if they knew too much. Which, of course, they did. Just as Remus thought he would break into a sweat, Dumbledore's gazed moved to Remus' left and rested on James.

"James?" Dumbledore inquired.

Like a soldier, James shot to attention earning an eyeroll from Lily and a chuckle from Sirius. As usual James was not phased by their opinions, "Well, sir, I do believe it went quite fantastically. Outrageously so. Plan went to perfection."

"No injuries?"

"Not even a scratch!" James said waving his hands in a flourish.

Dumbledore smiled, "Very good. Any particular details that should be noted?"

The triumphant grin turned sheepish on James' face, "Oh yes, we made notes of their supplies, but I… er…"

"Excuse James," Sirius said smugness plastered on his face. He rose, letting go of Remus' hand, "he's a bit of a git when it comes to important things."

James frowned with such ferocity Remus had to choke down laughter. The messy haired boy opened his mouth to speak but almost as soon as he had he shut it again putting on a face of enlightened calm. Remus decided that either some of Lily's maturity had rubbed off on James or that she had elbowed him in the ribs. The latter was most likely. Sirius continued, no longer smug, "Some poisons, nothing unusual or anything that would be too much trouble for a wizard, but would be for Muggles."

"Yes," Lily interjected, "I noticed that many of them were water soluble. Perhaps they plan to spike a water supply?"

"If they even know how plumbing works!" James threw up his hands in exasperation. The room paused, not particularly receptive of James humour. He looked over at Peter as if to be reassured that 'plumbing' was the correct term to use in this instance. Peter, however, was silent on the matter.

"There were also a lot of Pepper-up Potions," Sirius continued, saving his friend, "And items that deflected certain hexes. They were in such quantity that it looks like Voldemort is supplying an army, like he wants to start a war."

Dumbledore looked grim as did the members of Moody's group who had not investigated the supplies. Remus' stomach lurched and he regretted having previously celebrated their success. Lily rose and elaborated, "I retrieved some samples of some of the potions. We destroyed their stores, so they will have to take time to recover before they can make any large attacks," The room considered her reasoning and slowly some of the former cheer was restored to the room. Lily continued, "In the mean time we should analyse these potions to check for any additions to the recipe. I would be happy to do it."

"Thank you Lily," Dumbledore said smiling. Despite the expression, Remus felt tiredness roll of the man and suddenly he seemed much older. Unlike the rest of the Order, Lily's news had not had a full effect on Dumbledore. Remus' own spirits slumped dramatically in return. Dumbledore at that moment leant back in his chair and once again surveyed the room. Apparently, Remus was not the only one to feel ill at ease due to Dumbledore's change in character. Looking around, he could see concern creeping onto the faces of most. Only Moody and Peter showed no change. Moody was stoic as ever and Peter was slumped in his chair staring so fixedly at the table Remus was sure he was too busy with his own thoughts to notice any change in the Leader of the Order.

Registering the collective concern, Dumbledore offered an explanation, "I'm glad for the success, however," any trace of a smile dropped from the man's face, "there is some news I must impart to you which is not of a pleasant nature."

The room stilled completely. Remus became no less uneasy even though the knowledge Dumbledore was about to impart was crucial to their efforts. It was a rare thing for Dumbledore to be so openly troubled.

"As you know," Dumbledore continued, "I have not been a part of many of the Order's operations in the field. For this, I can only apologise. I have been trying very hard to gather intelligence on the Death Eaters and Voldemort however, if nothing else, they are successful in covering their tracks."

There was no mirth in the statement. Remus met Dumbledore's gaze as it drifted around the room, yet his eyes were without their usual sparkle.

"I have discovered," Dumbledore cleared his throat, "Numerous points of interest regarding Voldemort and while, with all things considered, they are not surprising, I cannot help but wish they were untrue."

Remus spared a glance a Sirius who had turned to him at the same moment. Sirius' face was a mirror of his own confusion. Softness had entered Dumbledore's voice. Something akin to regret or guilt lurked beneath his words and considering that Dumbledore was feeling these emotions towards such a monster as Voldemort was deeply troubling indeed. Remus returned to watch Dumbledore again. As he did he felt Sirius grip his hand firmly under the table.

"Voldemort," Dumbledore spoke with forced confidence, "Is in fact Tom Riddle, who as a boy attended Hogwarts," the room hung off the next of Dumbledore's words as he formed them, "During my time as Transfiguration professor I taught him.

"He was a bright student, but troubled would not be a word with enough strength to describe him," Dumbledore paused, sorrow hanging about him, "This knowledge came to me some time ago but I did not impart it in the foolish and optimistic hope that it may be false. However, I know that without a doubt, it is true."

Remus was shaken. To think that Voldemort had walked the very halls he had and attended the same lessons in the same classrooms was deeply unnerving. It was only when Sirius squeezed his hand that he realised the strength of his own grip. He let go hastily and scanned to table. Everyone appeared to be in their own heads, probably wading through similar concerns to Remus own. The fact was that now their enemy had a name, a history and familiarity with their leader. Remus glanced to his left to see James and Lily and found himself wondering if even their happiness could last.

* * *

'White Wedding' is a phrase that is thrown about frequently. However, James Potter did it justice. White lilies and orchids adorned every table and had lined every pew in the church; the reception was held in the elder Mr. and Mrs. Potter's sprawling garden under a white marquee and if it weren't enough that every table cloth, chair cushion or napkin was white, James had made Remus charm all the trees into bearing white leaves. It was over-the-top-and-over-the-other-side in usual James Potter fashion but in a way it was beautiful. Furniture and tree-discolouration aside, there was Lily in her wedding dress that let anyone who was still undecided that this was indeed a 'White Wedding'. When Remus looked over at her he could not find words that would adequately describe how wonderful she looked. Lily was beautiful, there was no one who would deny that, but this Lily was vastly different from the Lily he normally saw in jeans and black and gold Order of the Phoenix t-shirt.

Presently, Remus was watching Lily and James' first dance (well second if you count James' outrageous display of happy dancing on the church steps). James looked stiff and it was obvious he was counting under his breath, trying desperately to impress Lily with his dancing technique. Lily was more relaxed, smiling openly at her new husband's desire to impress. Despite himself, Remus grinned. This wedding was a pocket of surreal happiness amongst the madness and depressing nature of the outside world. Taking his eyes off the dancers, Remus looked to his right to see Sirius, chin resting on his hands, gazing after the newly–weds. Remus almost laughed at his friend's obvious bliss.

Sirius had been overjoyed throughout the ceremony. He had a similar dopey grin as he stood beside James during the wedding and indeed the entire morning. Remus was very much looking forward to the best man's speech and hopefully by that stage Sirius' sentimentality would have waned. Remus turned to look back at James who was less stiff and grinning so widely, Remus though his jaw might un-hinge. Then again, maybe Sirius wouldn't recover for a few days. It seemed as thought Sirius' happiness was directly connected to James' and if that was the case Sirius wouldn't be functioning for a long time. Beside him, the object of Remus' thoughts let out a wistful sigh. Remus turned, about to comment when the guests erupted into applause as the dance ended. Lily and James, beaming, broke apart and almost immediately people were jumping out of their seats and making for the dance floor. It was at this point a grinning James was pushed away as a gaggle of bridesmaids pounced on Lily, dragging her away to dance. Frowning slightly, James returned to the table where Sirius and Remus were sitting.

"How about that?" James said gesturing dramatically, "One dance! One dance and suddenly she's kidnapped!"

"Adultnapped," Remus corrected grinning at James' antics.

"Yeah, yeah smartarse," James waved at Remus dismissively. Remus chuckled but Sirius was silent. James looked at Sirius and cocked his head confused that Sirius would miss a chance to harass him, "Padfoot?"

"Hmm?" Sirius was grinning dopily again and James gave him a light punch on the arm.

"Why don't you go chat up one of Lily's bridesmaids for me? You know, distract them?" James offered, giving Sirius an angle he couldn't possible refuse. A sly grin flashed across his face for a moment before Sirius straightened and shook his head.

"Sorry, no can do Prongs, " Sirius said firmly. When he was met by confused looks he continued, "Lily said if I so much as touch any of her female friends and family, she will personally make sure I will never so much as wank again."

James sighed, "Oh well, so much for that," James paused. His eyes flickered over to Remus, "Feeling like a lady killer today?"

Remus, who had been taking a sip of wine, choked in laughter. After recovering somewhat, he shook his head, "I can't possibly face them while they're in a group like that."

"Pete?" James pleaded to Peter who sat on Remus' other side. Peter raised his head and grinned weakly. He looked pale and heavy purple rings rimmed his eyes. This morning he had looked no better. Remus was becoming increasingly worried about his friend who seemed to be ill very frequently nowadays. Presently, Peter attempted to laugh.

"No James, not a chance. Sorry."

James took a step back and glared at them collectively, "My friends are mutinous scum," when Sirius giggled, James turned to him, "Come on Sirius! You didn't even bring a date to distract yourself! Face it, threats or no threats you'll end up sleeping with a bridesmaid."

"Excuse me Mr Prongs, but some of us have self control." Sirius retorted, crossing his arms and appraising James with a holier-than-thou stare. It was indeed very strange that Sirius had not brought one of his many women to the wedding if only to keep his hands out of anybody else's pants. His excuse had been that he did not want to taint James' wedding with cheap company. Part of Remus was pleased about this conscious decision of Sirius' to be on the straight and narrow but he knew that it wouldn't last.

James was preparing a well thought-out and witty reply when Hagrid appeared at his side, hanky in one hand and tears welling in his eyes, "Oh James Potter! Well if this isn't the 'appiest day of my life!"

James smiled at the sentiment and patted the enormous man on the elbow, "Come on Hagrid, let's get a drink."

As he walked away he shot Sirius a glare, "I'll finish with you later."

Sirius made a face at his best friend who was already failing to feign anger and grinning again. Remus watched as Sirius turned to look at the dance floor full of waltzing couples and Remus' spirits slumped as Sirius turned to face him with a wicked grin.

"No," Remus threw up his hands in self-defence, "Just no."

"Oh, come on Moony!" Sirius pleaded, "Just one?"

"Oh no, no, no," Remus begged as Sirius jumped to his feet and pulled at Remus' hands.

"But there's no one to dance with but you!" Sirius whined, "You should feel honoured as it means I think you are sexy enough to dance with Sirius Black."

Remus stuttered incoherently, his face reddening and Sirius manipulated him, grinning all the while. Just as he ordered his thoughts into an irrefutable argument another joined the fray.

"Go on Remus, this is your last chance before dessert and speeches."

Remus looked up with horror to plead silently with a smirking and, at this moment, pure evil, Lily Potter. Lily did nothing to help him and while in shock Remus was hoisted to his feet by Sirius who dragged him towards the throng of dancing people. Looking back over his shoulder, Remus saw Lily give him a small wave before sitting down and engaging Peter in conversation who visible jumped at her voice. Remus did not have time to frown before he felt a sharp tug on his arm and found himself flush against Sirius' chest. Trying not to let his awkwardness appear on his face, Remus pushed away from Sirius until there was suitable distance was between them. Before he could secure a hand on Sirius' waist, Sirius had his own hand on Remus'. Sirius twisted Remus' other hand, which he had offered for Sirius to take so that it rested over his own. Remus opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted.

"I'm leading," Sirius said evenly only the glint in his eye betraying his real emotions.

"I don't suppose I ever had a choice?" Remus asked with a sigh as Sirius pushed him into movement. He placed his free arm on Sirius' shoulder.

"No," Sirius said, a soft smile spreading across his features, "Not really."

There was something more to Sirius' words than Remus could fathom. He pushed this curiosity aside as he concentrated on dancing. It was very hard to keep at straight face and as well as focusing on the steps of the waltz, simple thought they may be, he was also faced with the challenge of avoiding looking at smiling Sirius Black. Sirius was smiling that smile of his that Remus would just give into. He could feel it. It really wasn't fair that Sirius had that smile. It was like Sirius was always in charge and Remus just had to do what he said. Despite being unfair, it did make sense, after all Sirius was stronger and more confident so it was natural he was the decision maker but… Remus reigned in his thoughts, not liking his own tone. There were a few moments of dancing without an issue before Remus, against his better judgement, looked at Sirius. His friend's grey eyes were glued to Remus' face.

"What?" Remus asked with a hint of a nervous laugh escaping his lips.

"Oh nothing really," Sirius smiled, "Just enjoying the scenery."

"Okay, that may work on giggling idiots, but it doesn't stand a chance with me," Remus said pointedly jabbing a finger into Sirius neck. He immediately regretted the action because in retaliation Sirius pulled him closer. Once more Remus was flush against Sirius chest. He could feel Sirius' mouth against his ear.

Then he whispered, "I know."

It was just a whisper, but the words drummed in Remus' head as if they had been screamed.

"Sirius," Remus began feeling his insides contort painfully and a familiar agony filled his body and brain. But he got no further as at that moment a small bell rang and someone was announcing the arrival of dessert.

Remus was numb as he moved back to the table, not really knowing what was happening. All he could see was Sirius as he followed his friend. Sirius, with his grey eyes and black hair that fell in effortless waves around his face. Sirius, who was ridiculously confident. Sirius, who was sitting back down next to James and exchanging insults. Remus reached his seat but was frozen in place by Lily's emerald stare. He could see that she was asking him things, probably what the many pairs of eyes that he felt staring at him wanted to know. Remus broke eye contact, not even being able to fathom her question and sat down.

During dessert, he could not eat more than half of the lemon meringue pie that was presented to him even though it was delicious. It an effort to distract himself from the churning in his stomach he turned to look at the bridesmaids' table. They must have been family mostly because none of the face he saw stuck on in his memory of his Hogwarts days. His gaze lingered on one bridesmaid in particular simply because she seemed disgruntled almost as if she was irritated at her being there. It struck Remus as rather strange that she wouldn't want to be especially if she was honoured by Lily enough to be a bridesmaid. Obviously, she thought differently to Remus as she seemed to be happy enough to continue looking down her nose at people. Despite his confusion in her behaviour, Remus shared her discomfort in the situation wishing that Sirius had never asked him to dance.

When, after a couple of speeches, Sirius got to his feet to present his own, Remus felt renewed awkwardness as Sirius glanced around the room grinning. Before he began he winked at a girl ogling him a few tables away. Suddenly Remus was no longer interested in the best man's speech.

* * *

The flashing colours reverberated on Remus retinas as Lily threw a hex a looming figure robed in black. James was at her side, deflecting curses that was returned at her. They fought with such strength despite the length of time they had been fighting.

"Remus!"

Hearing his name, Remus broke from his paralysis and cast a shield charm just in time to avoiding being hit by a blood-red curse. He turned to face his attacker firing back a wordless Jelly-Legs Jinx. His target swayed, his legs seemingly boneless and fell over. Remus felt less embarrassed with his instinctive choice of spell quickly casting a hasty Incarcerous to bind the Death Eater before turning to defend himself from any more attackers. Four Death Eaters approached him, sweeping in from all sides, wands poised and Remus tensed, preparing to retaliate as quickly as possible when all three were blown head over heals backwards. Remus swivelled to see Dumbledore, gusts of wind bursting from his wand, sending another couple of Death Eater's flying into the forest. Thanking Merlin, Remus fell into step with the man who had come to his aid. On Dumbledore's other side, Remus noticed Mad-Eye Moody had also joined Dumbledore.

"Close call Moony."

Remus turned to see Sirius at his side wand raised and eye scanning for Death Eaters. The party advanced towards where Lily and James were, disarming and disabling their attackers as they moved. Once again Remus was drawn in by the determination etched on both of his friends faces as torrents of light burst from their wands. They must have been tired and struggling to maintain such a high output of energy and yet they were managing it. In credit to their skill, their opponent was stumbling back, still holding a strong defence but ever so slowly becoming weaker. It was proof of his friend's skill that they could hold a fight against Voldemort. Voldemort snarled as he was forced to duck out of the way of one of James' spells.

"What's the matter Tom?" James shouted over the casting of spells, "Getting tired?"

Voldemort froze momentarily. Triumph spread over James' face at his own cheek. It was short lived however as the Dark Lord shot a killing curse. The smile was wiped off James' face and it was only Lily's counter spell that prevented it from hitting James in the chest. The spell energy spewed in ropes from both wands, locking Lily and Voldemort together.

Remus, worried as he was, turned to his left to aid Sirius in disarming a Death Eater. Without much effort the wizard was pushed aside and Remus turned to see Death Eater's retreating under the fire from the Longbottoms. Moody too was causing the retreat of many with his own spells but the mere presence of Dumbledore caused Death Eater's to evaporate before Remus' eyes. Dumbledore shot a blast of wind a Voldemort, blowing him sideways and breaking his killing curse. Lily's spell whistled through the air that the Dark Lord at one occupied. Voldemort straightened, his eyes were hidden from view by a black hood, but it was clear that he was watching Dumbledore, considering his next move. In a flash he retreated into the woods. As though wordless communication passed between the Death Eaters and their master, all of the masked figures ran into the forest and out of sight.

Dumbledore turned eye each of the Order members, his gaze lingering on Lily and James. His face was stony as it always was in battle. He spoke clearly, "To Hogsmead," Dumbledore looked as the group nodded understanding, "I don't think they will return tonight."

Remus felt a tug at his elbow and saw Sirius looking at him in an enquiring manner. Remus nodded despite feeling sick already. Sirius apparated with ease while Remus clung to his friend's arm fighting back the urge to vomit. Having been apparating for a few years now, Remus thought that he would have gotten used to it by now. Within no time Remus was once again standing outside the back of the Hogs Head.

James approached the wall first, tapping it and muttering the incantation to open the concealed door. Ever the gentleman, he stood aside and waited for others to pass ahead of him. As the rest of the Order trailed into the Hogs Head Remus' attention was turned towards Lily who had been pulled aside by Dumbledore. Remus did not wish to intrude on their conversation, but waited for his friends to finish. Trying not to let his curiosity get then better of him at stare, he traced the faint silhouette of the horizon with his eyes. Their counterattack on the Death Eaters that evening was supposed to be, as most Order manoeuvres were, a surprise attack. Yet before they could interrupt the meeting that was taking place in a forest not far from one of Voldemort's strongholds, it was they who were ambushed. Obviously the Death Eaters had somehow been informed that the Order was springing an attack. This perhaps, could be dismissed as bad luck, if it had not happened before. Remus was brought back to Earth when someone nudged his shoulder. Following the inclination of Sirius' head he saw that Lily and Dumbledore were still locked in discussion and now James had joined them.

It was strange, Remus thought, that Dumbledore should arrive so suddenly. It was not planned that he should be there and Dumbledore was not one to neglect his own duties and investigations to join an operation unexpected. Remus considered the thought as he watched Dumbledore's back, his controlled hand gestures as he explain something that made James' face contort and Lily's pale. That added a significant amount of unease to Remus' stomach. Feeling a sudden chill, which was odd given the stillness of the night, Remus turned away to seek out Sirius. However, Sirius, who still stood beside him, was no source of comfort and was instead watching the exchange between Dumbledore and the Potters with grim ferocity.

Suddenly James straightened, eyes no longer focused on Dumbledore. They swept over door in the wall that had concealed itself again, lingered for a moment on Remus before locking onto Sirius. Wordlessly, Sirius walked towards the party, leaving Remus rooted to the spot. He had known James and Sirius long enough to understand that many things passed between them that he would never be able to comprehend. One of those things was, obviously, their ability to have entire conversations without the aid of words. Despite the dry humour Remus got when dwelling on this subject, he could not force himself to smile. The rigid way in which James held himself was unsettling as was Lily's frown. Dumbledore was as stoic as he was on the night he had revealed Voldemort's identity and it was this that gave Remus particular cause for unease. Sirius, too, was without any of his usual mischievous expressions.

In reality it was not long before the group broke apart, but to Remus it felt a good deal longer. As they turned towards the concealed door, the party must have sensed Remus' unease. Sirius responded with empathy, shifting his weight from foot to foot, immediately shooting a look at James who glanced from Lily to Dumbledore and finally to Remus. Lily was oblivious to all and was staring at her hands scowl heavy on her face.

"Well," The sound of Dumbledore's voice made them all jump. The man paused, smiled and continued, "It would be best if you inform Remus of your decision as well as Peter, no doubt."

James nodded hastily and Remus struggled to think of a time when James Potter did not want to add his verbal input. Dumbledore continued, "I will inform the Order of the basic details but have no fear – your privacy will be respected."

Dumbledore nodded to each of them before re-opening the hidden door and sweeping inside. Dumbledore now gone, any sense of calm that was left in Remus now evaporated. He looked from one friend to another with such a speed that his head might have flown off his neck. Sirius too was anxious and was looking at James urging him into speech. James looked tired when he turned to meet Remus' gaze.

"There's been a prophecy," James said with diplomatic calm, "And it involves me and Lily so our location needs to be protected."

Remus stares at James, digesting his words, then he looked at Sirius who was trying to look anywhere but in Remus' eyes. Understanding hit him.

"A Fidelius Charm," Remus stated rather than asked. He eyeballed the evasive Sirius, "And you're the Secret Keeper."

"There!" Sirius threw his hands up, "I didn't even say anything! I told you he's too smart James!"

"What prophecy?" Remus addressed James brushing over Sirius' words.

"_The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches. Born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies and either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives_" Lily lifted her gaze from the ground as she spoke. Her words were firm, almost as if they were being said to fortify herself. Remus tried to find words of his own, but he felt as if all the air had been sucked out of his lungs. Being in the Order was dangerous, no one could deny that, but this new burden that had been placed over his friends heads was on a level unto itself. Despite the fact that Dumbledore had invoked a Fidelius Charm Remus was still filled with a sense of dread. He tried to tell himself that it was irrational and that nothing would happen as long as the Secret Keeper said nothing. Remus found his gaze once again on Sirius who was staring, almost morosely, off into the far distance. A strange feeling clenched at his stomach. He realised, with shock, that the feeling was doubt.

* * *

**Author's Notes: Originally this chapter and the next were supposed to be one. After getting to this point I realised that almost seven thousand words was more than enough for one chapter. That aside, so many mysteries! Which really aren't that mysterious when you have the ability of hindsight…. At this point I'm tempted to troll my own story with spoilers… But you know them anyway, or if you don't, you should. Technically you should know what's going to happen next. Moving on. Oh Dumbledore, ever the man of mystery. What really goes on behind those half moon spectacles of his? Who knows? Sorry for lack of deliciousness in this chapter. I suppose I gave you some, but it's never enough. Give it time. They need more time.**


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